


When Reality Starts to Falter

by 1000roughdrafts



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-24 21:24:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21106241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1000roughdrafts/pseuds/1000roughdrafts
Summary: You get a call from your ex, Jared, to work a few scenes on the set of Supernatural as a hunter that takes a liking to Dean. The producers love the chemistry between you and Jensen, so they decide to give you a full time gig. Feelings for Jared come back in a flush, but over time as your character falls for Dean you find yourself falling for Jensen.





	1. Chapter 1

“Y/N, open the door!” A man’s slurring words startles you awake. You press your palm to your forehead and bring it down to glance at your watch. You wonder who could be banging on your door at 4:43 in the morning. It happens again, “Y/N, damn it. If you don’t come open this-” you run over and unlatch the dead bolt, then twist the lock on the door before swinging it open.

“Where’s your key?” You ask as your fiance stumbles in right past you, almost knocking you into the wall.

“I lost it,” he says in one heavy breath.

“Well, what the hell are you so mad at me for? I should have left you out there to sleep in the hallway… are you drunk?”

“So what if I am?”

“You promised you wouldn’t drink anymore.”

“I never.” You roll your eyes and push past him to the closet and start throwing clothing into a bag. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“I got a call about a job on the set of Supernatural. I didn’t want to go, but I need to get away from here.”

“Supernatural…isn’t your ex on that show?”

You stand up straight and look him straight in his dilated pupils, “yes, as a matter of fact, he’s the one that called me.”

“Really Y/N/N? You’re not even gonna pretend, or beat around the bush?” He slurs.

“No. Why would I? There’s nothing going on between him and me. I have nothing to hide,” you say loudly, then dropping your voice to a barely audible and raspy whisper say, “the same can’t be said for you, though.”

“What are you talking about?” He says, inching toward you, anger littered on his drooping face.

“Come on,” you say while zipping up your suitcase. “You don’t need to lie anymore. You leave on these ‘business trips’ and don’t come home for, sometimes, weeks at a time, and when you do you think I’m oblivious to your new smell, new clothes and the damn bruises on your neck. I’m so sick of it.”

You let out a long sigh and look around your beautifully decorated flat. You soak it all in as a new bravery hits your being. Opening your closet again, you grab a new bag - a much larger one - and head into the bathroom. Drunk Greg follows you with a steady watch on your every move.

“That’s a ridiculous claim, babe. I am gone for work, nothing is going on between me and Janese.”

You shovel your toiletries into the bag and shoot a piercing glance up at Greg, “I never even said her name, you lying piece of shit.”

The two of you spend the next hour arguing as you collect your items from the house. You don’t own much, but you want to make sure you never have a reason to return. Setting your key on the coffee table, the last things you grab are your favorite coffee mug, pen and your phone charger and start for the door.

“Here,” you say ripping the ring off of your finger and throw it into the kitchen sink, “don’t ever talk to me again.”

You glare at his messy face, knowing you’re making the right decision no matter how badly it hurts. You slam the door behind you and head down the hallway, trying to be quicker than the tears. You pay no mind to your old neighbours as you run down the hall, then the steps and out of the door to the parking lot.

Closing the door behind you, you cover your face with your hands and let out the wails you held in for so long. You never wanted it to be true, but he’d confirmed it many times. You brace herself for a long drive to the airport.

Your thoughts race and the tears come and go as you glance out across both sides of the bridge at the beautiful water underneath it. The town is quite small, but you’re not going to miss it.

-

For part of the flight you stared out of the window, wondering what your life would be like if you and Jared had never broken up in the first place. You’d seen him in passing, and had given conceding nods and small, heart wrenching smiles. But other than those few times, you hadn’t spoken to him in years. The other half of the flight, you tried to get in a few hours of sleep.

Making it on the ground in Los Angeles, where you were asked to meet the crew, you rent a car and drive to the address Jared had given you. Shutting off your engine, you pull out your phone and dial a number you’d never forgotten.

“Hey there, Y/N,” Jared’s voice coming through the speaker of your phone feels just like a knife to your esophagus.

You clear your throat, “uh, yeah. Hi. Uh, I’m here. Should I head in, or-“

”Yes! We’re right by the door. Come on in.”

You slip your phone into your jacket pocket and take a few deep breaths in, mustering up the courage to open your door. Your steps feel heavy, and sluggish as you make your way to the entrance.

Before you can grip into the handle, the door flies open and laughter from Jensen and Jared hits you in the face. Jensen playfully hits Jared in the arm, taking a few steps towards your frozen body before noticing you.

When he does, his eyes go wide and arms open. “Y/N!” He exclaims, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into a tight hug. He shakes you a few times and pats on your back before letting go. “Oh my gosh! How long has it been?”

He turns to Jared. Jared gives a soft nod, smiling lightly before pulling you into a small hug. “It has been a while, now,” you say when Jared releases you.

“What? Like, seven or eight years now?”

Jensen chuckles airily, “yeah, that sounds about right.”

You focus on the concrete below your feet, letting your eyes trail up their figures. They’re more fit since the last time you saw them. Jensen’s eyes have more wrinkles and somehow Jared’s hair still looks flawless. Focusing on their arms, you notice how much they’ve bulked up. His hands, still muscular than ever and there’s - is that?

“You’re married?” You ask Jared. You meant for it to be authentically genuine and have excitement from you, but your tone was bitter and envious. Your cheeks fill, and the hopes that they hadn’t caught on we’re broken with their exchange of a glance and Jared clearing his throat.

“Uh, yeah,” he chuckles softly, looking down at his hand with a wide smile. “Yeah, what about you?”

He gestures to your hand, tilting his head and so obviously shifting the spot light onto you. “I heard through the grapevine that you were engaged.”

You twist your fingers in your hands, causing them to turn white at the clamp you’ve got on them. Your breath escapes you. Moving your eyes between the two of them, you force a smile and decide to lie, “I’m getting my ring resized, Greg’s gonna pick it up when it’s done and keep it safe for me.”

The guys squint an eye almost simultaneously. “We’ve delayed the wedding until you guys don’t need me here anymore,” you add. They both give you a nod and gesture to the door.

“Well, lets head in. I’ll introduce you to everyone and we’ll fly out to set in the morning.”


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Couple things I have to note before we continue: 
> 
> -When dating Jared, Y/N was an actress on a television show I ‘created’ specifically for this fic called Code Red, as a character named Pamela Banks.   
-Your characters name on Supernatural is Bell.   
Italics are the Supernatural scenes, or YN’s thoughts - I hope it’s not too difficult to discern.
> 
> Warnings: swearing, supernatural themed violence/action, confusing!Jared (idk how else to put that-you’ll see), general angst, angst/snubbing from Jared, fluffy support from Jensen

_Opening the passenger door of the Impala, the breeze wraps itself around you in a cordial, tepid hug. You sweep your feet out and stand up, adjusting your outfit. It’s eerily dim. The sun’s reflection on the clouds is the only true light offered to you as you stare in horror at the people running from the fairground’s entrance._

_A siren is blaring just loud enough that parents are covering the ears of their children. A strange feeling sits in your gut while you watch the police guide the families out into the parking lot. Sam coasts to your side and places your FBI badge into your hand, “you ready?”_

_His eyebrows raise as you look up at him, only mumbling a reply. “You’ve been pretty out of it the last few days and-”_

_“I’m fine, Sam,” you snarl. Forcing a foot in front of you, you pedal towards the entrance and push through the mob. With his height, it doesn’t take very long for Sam to catch up to you. The conversation between the two of you is choppy as you walk against the flow of traffic, and attempts at masking the siren’s screaming.  
_

* * *

_Since Dean left with Jody and Bobby to work a ‘small, quick’ case, Sam had been nipping at your heels, pleading for a case much like a dog holding a leash in it’s mouth and nuzzling at their owner._

Small, _you think, recalling the story Dean had relayed to you about his last encounter with a Djinn. You bite the inside of your lip in worry, unable to take your mind off of him, hoping that he’s okay._

_It’s been a few days since you heard anything and when you asked Sam about it he’d shrugged it off. Said something about how he’s a good hunter, and Jody and Bobby would never let anything happen to him. You shake away the thoughts._

_As you get closer to a tent in the back of the circus, you see a man wearing a lousy cape and a top hat. You scoff at his wanna-be magician appearance. Initiating a stand-off, you fold your arms and halt to a stop. Sam, apparently not paying attention, slams into you. Grunting irritably, you lurch forward and catch your balance with one, agile step._

_Immediately and aggressively, you confro_ _nt the caped man. “Where is it?” you shout. “I know it was you. I had visions of it!”_

_Sam jerks his head in your direction, giving you a concerned glance. You ignore it, figuring you would now have to explain sooner rather than later, but press in on the suspect. The ‘magician’ laughs, taking a step forward._

_Shrugging, he slows his drawl, “if you saw it then why don’t _you _tell us where it is?” he asks in the most cynical and creepy of tones._

_“Freakin’ bastard,” you spit and lunge for him.  
_

_You don’t feel Sam’s hands on your arms, gripping firmly to hold you back, until you’re moving in place. You wiggle around in his clutch, “Sam! What the Hell are you doing?” The magician’s bouncing laugh riles a fury inside of you._

_“Not. Here.” Sam whispers between clenched teeth into your ear. _You elbow him in the stomach. He grunts out a wheezy breath, but doesn’t relent his grip.__

_ _

_“Let me go, damn it!” you cry, and only when the magician disappears does Sam let you out of his grasp. You fall to the ground, growling at him. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice the forensics team have pulled up a brown tarp.  
_

_Brushing off their confounded expressions you focus on the patch of packed dirt that was underneath it, with what look like five gopher holes. They are small and organized in a strange, zig-zag pattern. You tilt your head at them in confusion. A gasp escapes your throat, causing you to choke on your breath._

_You leap up and grip onto Sam’s arm, ignoring his prior assault as a new obstacle comes to light. “I think these are decoys, Sam. Uh, think like model trains that replicate a real one. There are bombs, I think, scattered across town.”_

_You’re on the brink of hyperventilating, but suck in a deep breath. “I saw them in a dream last night. We have to figure out how this correlates and stop it!” You push off of Sam and begin running back to the entrance, yelling out, “call Dean!”_

_“Dream?” Sam questions. “Bell! Where are you going?” He cups his hands around his mouth as he calls out.  
_

_Without looking back, and not particularly bothered whether he hears you or not, you say, “to find Crowley.”_

“And cut!” The director’s voice brings you back to reality. “Wonderful job, everyone. How about lunch?”

You hunch over, dropping your hands to your knees to catch your breath. _Right. Lunch. Acting._

The reason you dropped out of the media wasn’t entirely because of your less than amicable break-up with Jared. In fact, that didn’t even make it onto the list. You had a ruinous habit of taking things on, getting too engrossed and becoming one with your character in the worst ways imaginable.

When you played a supporting role on Code Red, you completely flew off the handle when the main character, your best friend, died in the season finale. The entire crew, from the producers to hair and make up to your co-stars, applauded the authenticity of your characters reaction and threw a celebratory bash to commend and treasure your work.

Fans went crazy, you won awards. It was in the news, in the tabloids. You were named Actress of the Year by one of the most popular drama television series magazines. Your expeditious rise to the top of fame was torturous to say the least. Only your agent and Jared knew the truth. You had lost grip on reality. For a few sleepless and caffeine fueled days, you were no longer Y/N Y/L/N. You had, in your mind, really become and taken over the life of Pamela Banks; a wife, a mother, a faithful nurse and a woman who’d lost her best friend in a brutal accident.

You spent hours crying over your lines as you rehearsed them through the panic attacks. You pushed on. You fought against your instincts to ask the producer to just kill off your character instead. It wouldn’t have been the same that way, though, and you knew it. So alternatively, you played the part. You watched your best friend die in front of you, and it sent you spiraling into the worst spell of depression in your 26 years of life.

A hand pats on your back. You peek under your arm as Jensen lets out a sympathetic laugh, “you alright there, kiddo?”

Pulling your body back up, you laugh with him. “Yeah, just out of shape, I suppose.”

He wraps an arm around your shoulders, “you bring lunch today?”

You laugh, “yeah. I don’t know what I was thinking!” Catching Jared’s attention as you sway to the table under Jensen’s arm, his eyes squint slightly before a smile lights up his face. “I didn’t even think about lunch yesterday,” you look up at Jensen, giving an honest smile. “Thanks for sharin’ yours with a stranger.”

He pulls his arm away, but keeps a hand on your shoulder. “You’re not a stranger! It’s just been a while,” he winks, plopping down at the table with his sandwich and a bag of fruit.

Jared keeps a fixed stare on you as he sits across from Jensen. Only you would know that it’s a look of ire and ill-suited lust. You keep your eyes on him, omitting the rights to the muscles in your face. You don’t know what reaction you have to his expressions, you only know that he’s married and looking at you with vexation and a longing, desperation in his eyes.

You had never known him to be a complicated man, so why is he giving you the impression that he’s jealous of Jensen’s harmless embrace? He invited you here, and how he’s acting like he regrets it. Or worse, like his feelings have resurfaced as well.

Or did he call you to work on one of the most tormenting and grueling shows only to bring you back to that low point? Maybe it’s just in your mind. He couldn’t be that spiteful.

_Or could he?_

“You must be Y/N!” A voice proclaims as energetically as a puppy. “So glad to meet you. I’m Cas-” he cracks out a bellowing laughter, watching as Jensen and Jared roll their eyes. “Oops,” he says sarcastically, drawing a finger to his lip and looking back at you. “I almost name dropped my character, didn’t I? My bad,” he jokes, waving a hand dismissively before holding it out to you. “Nah, I’m just playin’. I’m Misha.”

You smile, shaking his hand and cutting in before he can continue, “Misha. Yes,” you chuckle. “Sorry I missed you yesterday, but it’s very nice to meet you.” Pulling your hand away you nod between the three of them, “I’ll see you all in an hour.”

Starting to turn and walk down the set, Jensen calls out your name. “Yes?” You flip around to see him standing now, twisting the top half of his body in your direction.

“You’re not gonna eat with us?”

“Not today,” you grin. “I thought I’d head to that, uh, new pizza place. It looked appetizing,” you flash an ear to ear smile, hoping to hide behind it while you spin your web of lies.

He pressures you, “you could get it to-go? I’m sure these lovely people here would like to get to know you better,” he waves his hand around the table at familiar, nodding and smiley faces. He shrugs in victory, looking back at you.

“Thanks, but I-” you fiddle with your elbow, blushing imperceptibly. Throwing your hand out to the side and propping it on your rip, you open your mouth to spew another lie about calling your ‘fiance’.

“I brought pie,” he offers, holding the container up. “In honor of Dean.” He smirks, “he’s going through a tough time, thought I’d get him his favorite. I can share-”

“Drop it, man. She said she’s going out. Let her,” Jared shoves a spoon full of soup into his mouth, raising his eyebrows and tilting his head at Jensen. 

You furrow your brows, but smile weakly and turn away. Heat fills your cheeks as you briskly walk to the back door and out to your rental car. Flopping down in the seat, your phone vibrates against your side.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: supernatural type violence, angst, injured!reader,

Little beads of sweat drop down the sides of your face as you watch the screen of your phone light up. The vibrating persists and the shaking sends you over the edge. Determination awakens inside of you. A venomous reprisal flows through your heated veins. 

With its last plea for an answer, the call from your ex-fiance goes to voicemail. You strangle the phone in your hand. The vein in your wrist swells. You lob the the device across the dashboard with a hulking clash against the windshield and an unintended grunt comes out of you. 

Your face dives into your hands. The tears you’d withheld plummet down your cheeks and puddle up in your palms. Any attempt at a noiseless mourning is a failed one, but now that it’s started there’s no backing out until this twisting in your stomach ceases. 

Slouching in your seat, you stay that way for the most of your lunch. Using a napkin to wipe the tears away, your stomach sloshes in desperation for a meal. Forgoing food, your hands shake and body quivers as you reach for the handle. Reminding yourself that you are stronger than this, you stride with head held high back to the crew. 

* * *

“Oh, dear,” your makeup artist, Polly, shouts when she spots you. “Come here, hun. Let’s fix that pretty face of yours,” she jogs over to you and sets a hand on your shoulder, kindly guiding you over to her station. 

Without any questions, she begins to work away in fixing the patchy foundation and smeared mascara. You don’t know why or what causes you to blurt out, “sorry about the makeup.” She removes her hand from your face as not to mess up her work while you speak, “I took too big of a bite,” you force out a laugh. “I choked on pizza and a stranger had to come pat on my back and give me water to dislodge it.” 

She hums something of a reply, and nods slightly. You curse yourself for not thinking of something better, and sit in embarrassing silence as she makes her finishing touches. Giving her a smile of appreciation, you jog back over to the crew. 

“There she is!” Jensen gleams, holding out open arms. “The star of the show!” 

You can’t help but to blush a his comment, even though you know it’s a humble remark from him. He and Jared are the real stars of the show, not someone who’s only been on set a few days. Still, you give him a phony smile and thank him, being sure to add that it wouldn’t have made it this far without him. 

“So you watch it?” he says, tugging the corners of his lips down to keep the smile from rising any taller. 

“Of course I watch the show, Jensen,” you laugh. “It’s the best thing on television since Code Red,” you wink. You’d somehow begun a battle of one-upping with your favorite co-star after his compliment. 

He tilts his head back just slightly, his face holding semblance to a smirk of satisfaction, “yeah, but did you ever watch Dawson’s Creek? That was the peak of my career,” he winks with slightly parted lips. 

Your eyes fall shut as you belt out an undeniably, genuine laugh. Your mouth and eyes open wide at the realization that this is the first time you’d felt that rumble of excitement in your stomach since you met Jared. 

That’s when the second realization hits. Jared. You peer behind Jensen’s right side. Already on set, Jared scampers off to occupy himself with something other than glaring at you from a distance. You don’t know how long you’d be able to put up with that, though Jensen and his generosity make it easier. 

“I’m sorry, Jensen, but that show was an abomination to the eyes and ears of every poor soul to have seen it,” you laugh again. His eyes crinkle somewhat into a smile as his head drops against his chest, “I gotta say though,” you add. He looks up at you, through his lashes and holds a smile, “CJ definitely carried my interest though all the chaos.” 

He smiles before twisting around to face the director as he calls for everyone on set. You follow behind him and stand off to the side, next to a stiff and frowning Jared. The prop crew set the scene for Dean, Bobby and Jody’s rescue mission. 

“You okay?” You ask for the seventh time. The only difference is that this one was the only one to make it off your lips. 

He acts as if he hadn’t heard you. He doesn’t look at you, and keeps his hands folded in front of him in an at attention, military-akin way. Sighing the response away, you close your eyes in anticipation for the directors-

“Action!” 

_Your eyes unlatch. You drop to a crouch with Sam, looking around you and over your shoulders as you make your way around a scantily lit alleyway. The narrow street borders a large, abandoned building. _

_Sam picks up his pace, pushing himself in front of you to peer around the corner of the building. You lean against the chilly wall. You hold on tightly to the knife drenched in lamb’s blood and take a few short breaths. Sam moves his head in a slight shake, signalling for you to take the lead. _

_You progress along the building’s edge in a crouch, looking in all directions before stopping at a metal door. Shaking the handle, you give Sam a side eyeing glance to find another entrance. As he looks along the walls of the building, you wonder if you hadn’t tried hard enough and rattle the door again. _

_Sam grips onto your arm and whirls you around to face him, a finger held to his lips as his face scrunches into a tight frown. “Be quiet,” he harshly criticizes.   
_

Oh, no. That wasn’t in the script. That was improvised. You scan the lot behind him, letting your eyes coast away from the anger cluttering on his face and onto the crew - trying to avoid the shining lights and camera. Why are we still rolling? you think. 

You decide to go with it. Perhaps the director saw something in this that you haven’t yet. 

_He flips around, sending a whiff of his motel conditioner and cologne into your chest. You press on, following tightly at his heels as he runs to scale the side of a building. Propping himself up on the fire escape, he reaches his hand down for you to grab onto. You’re supposed to take it - to let him pull you up, but you only stare at the lines on his palm. Sam’s eyes clench, he must think you can’t reach him as he tightens his face and pushes his arm down a little further. _

_Unlike the script requires, you swat it away and grip onto the concrete bricks. He holds his breath as you pull yourself up and force him out of your way to step onto the small platform. With arms stretched above him, he opens a window that’s at chest height. He sets his palms on the sill of the window and bounces to land his chest on the opening. As he shuffles in, you push his legs for support. After he plops onto the floor, he spins around to put his torso out of the window and reaches out for your hand. Again, despite the script, you swat it away. _

_The two of you stealthily step along the creaking floor in search of your missing friends. Rounding a corner, you hear a feeble groan to the tune of Dean’s voice. Your body propels in the direction of his pleas. You fold your lips under your teeth to keep yourself from calling out for him, reminding yourself that it would do more harm than good to be anything other than quiet. _

_When Sam catches up to you, you are standing with your mouth agape and arms dangling at your sides. Dean, Jody and Bobby are all strung up by their wrists with chains, heads hanging against their chests. Tears stroll down your cheeks from red rimmed eyes. _

Shit, that’s not in the script either. 

_“You have your knife?” you say in a breathless whisper to Sam without removing your eyes from Dean. _ _Through peripheral you see him lift it just barely and nod a confirmation. “Stay close,” you mutter before sprinting down the stairs, heading directly for Dean._

_Your hands fly onto his face, pulling it up to square it to yours. He lets out another grunt. You tenderly release your grip on his face, running your thumbs against his cheeks as you do. Your eyes slight in excessive rage, and your body is shaking as a response. You gently pucker your lips to his cheek and kiss it softly, “we’re gonna get you out of here, Dean.” _

__  
“You’re here for the day dreams, right?” A halcyon murmur rings out from behind you. Flipping around, you grip onto the knife and move your eyes around in search for Sam.   


_“Let my friends go,” you growl, head tilting down as the anger floods out of you.   
_

_The colorful masterpiece of a tattooed beauty flips her midnight hair off the side as she chuckles. Gradually approaching from behind her are two men that take a stance on either side of her. You take a step back, accidentally bumping into Dean. You roll with it, making it look like an act of protection. You raise your head to look level at them, cocking it to the side sightly as you regain your grip on the knife. _

_The woman and two men take murderously slow steps at you. Your rage turns to courage. Baring your teeth, you belt out an exploding war-cry and run towards them, blade in front of you. The woman, out of instinct, holds out her hands in front of her. You slash through them in one swift motion and then jab the knife into her chest. _

_As she drops to the ground, you job back a few steps, watching the men rapidly approaching. “Sammy! Where are you?”   
_

_Right on cue, Sam sprints onto the scene and takes one of the men by surprise, tackling him to the ground. Taking the opportunity, you lunge at the other. He grips onto your wrist before you can stab him and with a macabre smirk twists your arm back. You cry out in agony as the man laughs and you hear the commotion of Sam rolling around and throwing punches at the other. _

_In an attempt to escape the pain in your arm, you fall onto the prickly concrete. The Djinn drops on top of you and uses one hand to hold down your squirming arms, wrapping the other around your face. _

_Slowly losing grip on existence, your eyeballs roll back and you weakly tap on the actors arm as if to tap out of a UFC fight. He doesn’t seem to notice. Your chest moves up and down hastily as if to accommodate for the increasing rate of your heartbeat. You try to get out a bargain for a ‘cut-scene’, to recuperate and try again, but only gasps come out of your mouth. _

_“That’s right, sweetheart. Fall into your happy pla-” he grunts the ending of the word as his hand is ripped from your face. You don’t - can’t - move a muscle, attempting to get yourself in a state of tranquil to be able to finish the scene.   
_

Almost there. Almost there. Almost. There. _You repeat the two words in your mind as you listen to the grunting and clinking of Sam’s knife, fighting against the last Djinn. With one final, elongated roar you know the battle is over. Wiggling your toes and fingers, you hope to ride this attack out without being noticed in order to get on your feet in time to help Sam. _

_Your body springs forward, with one intense and final gasp for air as your eyes open. With a sigh of relief, you see the puddle of blood is draped over the Djinn instead of Sam. He sits on the floor, legs curled up to him and his head bows in his lap while he catches his breath. _

_“Well done, Moose,” a trenchant voice echoes throughout the room. “Thanks for calling me, Bell.” With a snap of his fingers, the three enslaved hunters collapse from the chains and moan as they hit the harsh ground.   
_

“Cut!” The director calls out. You finally feel like you can breathe again, like you’re grounded. You peel yourself from the floor with the help of Jensen. His hands holding onto your forearms, you look around the set to notice that Jared has already left.The bloodied hands you’d chopped off are just styrofoam molds covered in a ketchup mixture. The chains holding Dena’s arms above his head just plastic props. There’s an entire wall missing from the warehouse you just fought for your life in. 

Er, Bell fought for her life in. 

You shake your head, looking up at Jensen and his mouth moves in front of you - a ringing coming from his lips. Shaking your head more fiercly, you let it hang for a moment. Jensen throws his hand onto your back and the other under your arm, catching you as you collapse into him. That’s when you begin to hear the murmuring of other cast members and Jensen’s call of distress, “medic! I need a medic over here!” 

He turns his face down to you, brushing the hair from your face and shifting you up in his arms. “Hey, Y/N. Take a deep breath for me.” Placing the back of his hand onto your sweaty forehead, he winces. “Jesus, you’re burning up!” 

Four different people rush to your side and rip you from Jensen’s warm touch. The last thing you remember is being carried into a room and set onto a bed. 


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: injured!reader, angst (this has become my thing I guess), supportive!Jensen, supportive(ish)!Jared, mention of cheating ~spoiler warnings will be in the tags~

You blink your eyes gingerly as they adjust to the luminous lamp beside the bed. Bringing a fist to your eye to rub away the grogginess, you prop yourself up onto your elbows. Your face twists into a frown and you hear a deep sigh beside you. When your eyes open fully, you take in your surroundings. 

Cabinets are lined up along the wall, a stool next to a counter and beside you, Jensen sits in a chair, leaning his forearms onto the bed. He breathes deeply, looking up at you with a languid and troubled face. 

“Jensen?” you squeak. “What - what happened?” 

He clears his throat, pulling his arms in an abstract shrug. He leans back just slightly, “you. You passed out, I guess,” his hand runs down his face and falls flat onto the twin sized mattress, just at your side. “Have you been eating? Or - or drinking water?” 

If you hadn’t known any better, you’d have thought he was acting combative or surly with his strained face and pulsing veins. But you do know better, and the harsh affliction to his words encase care and concern. You keep quiet, not yet ready to unleash the truth. 

Swallowing the collection of saliva in your mouth, you fall back against the bed. “I had some pizza today.” The words bring back the memory of your lie. The blood rushes from your face, so you swallow again. “Ended up choking on the second piece,” you feign a chuckle, keeping your eyes focused on the ceiling and avoiding the way he looks you over. 

“Is that so?” he remarks in a discounted voice. “Cause uh,” his pause makes it seem like he wants to retract the words. 

You turn your head to him, “what?” you ask softly. 

His puffy cheeks and clear eyes bow down with his head. Bringing only his eyes to yours, he sucks on his bottom lip, popping it out with the beginning of his sentence. “I heard from someone that your car never left today-” another pause. You sigh internally, but hold your breath. “Polly said you looked like you were crying, and I- I just wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if you were going through something and I didn’t know about it. I don’t want you to have to deal with anything alone, while I just sit idly by, waiting for a last sign.” 

His eyes flicker between yours. They slip down to your lips a few times, but never linger. If you blinked you’d have missed it, but you didn’t miss a second of the elliptical mossy green, encasing tree trunk irises that stay stationary while the full, black moon of deep thought traces your face. 

The chirr of the door creeping open causes you to jump. Your eyes regrettably rip form Jensen’s, batting a few times. Jared’s towering figure strides into the room, “mind if we have a minute?” 

Jensen’s eyes are back on yours, as if to ask if you are okay with Jared’s intrusion. You give him a tired smile and nod, scooting up in the bed as Jared replaces Jensen in the seat. You wait for the door to close behind him before looking at your new company. 

“If you’re here to talk about the improv,” your hand folds into a ball, resting under your jaw as you tilt your head at him. Raising your eyebrows and with a slight shake of your head, you say, “I don’t want to hear it.” 

“No,” he says in a raspy whisper, calmly shaking his head, “the directors loved it.” Looking behind him at the door and then around the empty room, he leans in closer. “I know what happened, and I won’t tell anyone,” he breathes out, hanging on the last word. 

Your body tenses, eyes narrow at him. “If? You won’t tell anyone about it _if _what, Jared?” Your words bounce against the walls. 

He hurls back against the chair, holding his palms up in defense, “no,” he begins. 

“No, _you. _You’ve been giving me major attitude and that side eye since I got here. Something’s up,” you flag a finger at him. Leaning in, you lower your voice to a groan, “we were together for seven years. If you don’t think I know how you operate by now,” you take a slow breath to regulate your pulse, pulling your torso back upright. “Well, that’d honestly just be ridiculous. So… if what, Jared?” Your hands dance in the air to your choleric words, “you won’t tell anyone about my ‘issue’ if I do what?” 

He brings a finger to his lips like he did in the scene, shushing you and taking glances at the door. Scooting the chair closer to your bed, he pads the air with his hands. “No, look. It’s not like that, I promise. Come on,” he reaches for your wrist. You rip it towards you and into your chest, wrapping it with the other in protection. “I just want to help you.” 

“If you know what happened and want to help, why did you leave so quickly?” you hiss. “Why is it that Jensen and Mark were there for me, but I’m only just now seeing you?” 

His eyes scan the sheets and his mouth gapes, clinging onto breath in search of the words, “I - I didn’t want to make it obvious-” 

“Right,” you cackle. “Because being in the medical room over seemingly nothing is _really_ emphasizing justhow _great _everything is,” you mutter. Your jaw stiffens. A soreness reigns terror in your cheeks at the weight of your words. Jared stays silent, and no matter how fiercely you look into him he won’t keep eye contact. Taking a deep breath, you say, “does she know that I’m here?” 

His eyes remain on the sheets, but hand shifts away from yours. “Who?” 

“Your wife.” 

Keeping his head down, his eyes are on yours again, “yes.” 

“Does she know that you’re the one that called me?” 

In his lengthy silence, you fold your arms and face away to keep the tear slipping down a secret. In a more mild tone you plead, “I don’t need your help. Please, just leave.” 

He obstinately shuffles in the chair. You drop your arms into your lap and relax your head in your hand. Hearing the patter of his boots on the tile, you let out a long breath. The clicking stops, and when you peak under your hand you see that the toes of his boots are facing you. You lazily remove your hand and watch him tilt his head before pivoting to face the door. 

His back to you again, his arm dangles at his side. Taking a small step towards the door, his hand lolls on the handle. Instead of opening it, he flips the latch to lock it. The tension rising in the room rouses your flight, fight or freeze response. 

With the heart rate of a fight, and the breath of flight, you concede to your only option: freeze. You watch him in vehement anticipation as he coasts back to the bed, a hunger stirring in his eyes. The same hunger he had when he kissed you for the first time. When he reaches the edge of the bed, he stoops down to you. 

At an agonizing pace, he brings his hands to the sides of your face. Your thoughts scream, demanding to be released and left alone. Outwardly, your eyes fall shut and you relax to his familiar touch. He presses his lips to yours in a passionate rage to taste the inside of your mouth. Against the self threats, you return the gesture and allow him to magnify the kiss. 

Your hand pulls in a twist at the neck of his shirt before sense kicks in. Flattening your palm across his chest, you force him back with all of your strength. Breaking the kiss. “Leave. Now,” you snarl. “Go home - to your wife.” 

His chest rises and falls in one agitated breath. He rolls back on his heels before spinning around to leave the room. The door slams loudly, crashing you back against the bed. 

Shutting your eyes, you see a familiar darkness behind your eyelids. Slowly coming to your minds eye is a setting you used to feel so comfortable in. For the seven years you spent with Jared, it never really mattered to you where you landed, as long as you had him by your side. 

In your memory, _he’d fallen asleep. You laid awake next to him, watching your thoughts bounce on the walls. It was well past midnight, but there was a clunking noise against the window, a branch being thrown aggressively by the storm. You found it to be poetic that while the wind howled, you were dealing with your own storm inside those four walls of security. _

_Season four of Supernatural was in production. A new actress for a character was brought in for replacement. The on screen romance between Sam and Ruby was sweltering and ravenous. It brought on your concerns about stolen, off screen kisses between the two. You never let on that it was bothering you, and kept battling a mind that was much stronger than you because not only did it know your fears, it created them. _

_When you finally allowed for the heaviness in your eyes to take over, the next thought you had was to turn the damn noise off. You rolled over in bed, throwing an arm around Jared. “Babe,” you whispered. “Time to wake up,” you sang in his ear, nuzzling your nose into the nape of his neck. _

_He grumbled out in morning breath, rolling over to pull you into his chest. “No,” you giggled, holding out the vowel. “You’re gonna be late if you don’t leave soon,” you laughed. _

_“I don’t care,” he sleepily whined to the top of your head as he moved his hands in circles along your back.   
_

_“Well,” you said, wiggling yourself out of his arms and scooting to the edge of the bed, “you might not, but I do.”   
_

_You yawned as you let your feet settle on the icy hardwood floor. Rummaging through the closet, you pulled a few articles out. After grabbing a denim jacket you bend down to pick a pair of shoes. Your most difficult decision that day was whether to wear the flats or the wedges - until you saw the curious, pink shirt stuffed into one of Jared’s boots. _

_Your heart felt as if it grew in size, slowing down and rolling around in your chest. Jared wiggled under the blankets when you set the outfit on the foot of the bed. Bending to your knees in the closet, you reached for the shirt with a trembling hand. Jared was sitting up then, stretching his arms out and bringing his hands to his face. _

_After seeing the outfit on the bed he looked over at you, “wear the flats today, you clumsy girl,” he laughed. He sharply inhaled as his feet landed on the cold floor. With no answer from you, he scratched his head. “Are you okay?”  
_

_You restrained the shirt painfully firm against your chest, clamping your eyes shut and choking on the smell of a flowery perfume. Taking in a few deep breaths, you rose to face him. His unchanging expression softened only slightly. His eyes were still full of drowsiness and another yawn broke from him. You paced towards him, holding the shirt and visibly shaking. _

_“Where did this come from?” Your intent was to sound of genuine curiosity, rather than blatant anger and accusation, but as you’d learned - some things, like the promise of monogamy, don’t always go according to plan.   
_

_He grabbed his watch from the nightstand and shrugged as he fastened it onto his wrist. Coasting over to you, he wrapped a hand around your back to tug you into him. You didn’t know why you accepted it. “That,” he said before kissing your forehead, “was for you,” he kissed your cheek. “It was meant to be a gift. I didn’t have time to wrap it, so that’s where I decided to hide it,” he laughed, moving you aside to gather his own outfit. _

_Something seething deep inside of you told you to run, that he was lying. But at the time, you would have rather carried on pretending than to live without him. While you didn’t know it then, it was the last time you ever slept in the same bed as Jared and if you had known, you would have stayed there with him longer. _

Another knock on the door vibrates the wall, pulling you from the memory. You’re thankful that the knot in your throat blocks the irritated groan that almost escaped you. Jensen peaks his head in, smiling and holding a bag in his hands.

“I brought you some food,” he says, stalking over to the chair. You throw your feet over the edge of the bed to accept the sandwich and sprite he hands you. 

Sitting down, he pulls his own from the bag. You watch his jaw move as he chews a few bites before starting on your own. After a few moments of silence, you sip on your sprite. 

Jensen swallows a bite with the help of his water and clears his throat to speak out, “oh,” he says with the back of his hand to his mouth, swallowing a second time. “We’re going to go to California tomorrow for a panel. Sorry for such short notice,” he shrugs, setting the water bottle at the floor by his feet. “You weren’t in it originally, but since your episode aired I think the SPN family is dying to ask you all sorts of questions,” he winks, nudging your leg. 

After some thought, you nod and force a bleak smile, “okay,” your eyes match with his, “sure. I’d love to.” 


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mention of cheating, Jensen fluff!

A light tapping sound startles you awake. You suck in a deep breath. Looking around you frantically you notice that you have fallen asleep in your car again. The tapping happens once more. As you open up the door, your heart rate calms slowly. Jensen stands with a warm smile on his face and hands slightly in the air. 

“Sorry,” he chuckles, “I didn’t mean to scare you. Just thought I’d let you know we were leaving soon.” 

“No,” you stutter, “no, no, you didn’t scare me,” you force out a laugh. 

“Are you ready?” he nods, gesturing over to a parked SUV. 

You glance behind him at the vehicle and rub your eyes. “Yeah,” you say before closing your door. 

On your walk over, Jensen places his hand on the small of your back to guide you. “You can sleep on the way there if you’d like, I’ll wake you. We have a long day, anyway,” he says with a smile, opening the door for you. 

After hopping in and finding your seat, you see Jared leaving the building and heading over your way. He’s smiling and shaking hands with a few people before making his way to the vehicle, getting in through the same door. Luckily for you, Jensen chose to sit in the middle. 

“He guys,” Jared says, slamming the door shut behind him. “Excited for your first Supernatural convention, Y/N?” 

“Huh?” you say, pulling yourself out of thought. “Uh, yeah. I am,” you say without looking at him, keeping your eyes in your lap. The driver puts the car in gear to start rolling onto the main roads. 

“The fans are really excited to have you on the show,” Jared says softly. “Numbers have gone up a bit since your first episode aired, we’re excited to see how we do after the next one,” he continues. You remain silent with your thoughts. “Oh, by the way. They’re going to have a lot of questions about your character’s timeline, but it’s important that you don’t let them in on the Dean and Bell part.” 

“Wait, what?” you say, nearly choking on the words. Your co-stars let out small chuckles. 

“You didn’t know?” Jared laughs in a somewhat mocking tone. 

“No!” you quietly shout, more angry with him for the way he’s reacting to you rather than the apparent romance scenes you have with Jensen. He’s a good looking guy, and you weren’t afraid to admit that. Nor were you ashamed to say you look forward to those scenes with him, and grateful that the directors didn’t have your character getting together with Sam. “I don’t read ahead,” you sigh. 

Jensen leans himself forward, facing you and cutting Jared out of the conversation. “Hey, I don’t either and I knew about it,” he jokes. 

You laugh softly, “well, good for you, Jay.” 

—— 

For the near three hours that it took to fly to California, you slept. It wasn’t intentional, and you really would have rather stayed up to prepare for the convention, but the seat was undeniably more comfortable than your car. When you wake, your head is tilted to the side and leaning against something soft, yet firm. 

You move your head up straight to look where you were lying, blushing at the small dribble of drool stuck on Jensen’s shirt. You cover your reddening cheeks, and let out an embarrassed sigh. Jensen, looking down at you now, laughs lightly. 

“Good morning, my lovely TV girlfriend,” he laughs again. “Sleep well?” 

“Oh my gosh, Jensen. I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you say anything?” you blurt, uncovering your face to soak in the deep smile in his eyes. 

“I didn’t want to wake you,” he shrugs. “I know you’ve been sleeping in your car since you got here. That can’t be comfortable at all,” he says with a click of his tongue and a shake of his head. 

Sitting up straight now, you retort, “no, I haven’t. I went out there to prepare for the scene we’re shooting tonight and then fell asleep, I guess.” 

He only laughs, a snort sound comes from his nose. Readjusting himself in the seat he says, “you’d have known about Dean and Bell if that were true, ‘cause that’s the scene we’re shooting tonight,” he says, eyes piercing into yours. “Y/N, you are a fantastic actress, but you really can’t lie for shit.” 

You stay silent for a moment, listening as the pilot speaks overboard about landing soon. Jensen places a hand on your knee, bringing your attention to him. “I have a spare bedroom at my place in Vancouver, why don’t you come stay there until you find something?” He shrugs. 

You shake your head, getting out only the beginning of a ‘no’ before he holds a palm up. “No, I insist,” he says. “You’re not gonna be on top of your game if you keep sleeping in your car. Bell and the Winchesters are going down a crazy road, and we need you to be alert and ready,” he winks. “Besides, isn’t it painful?” 

“It is,” you chuckle, looking down into your hands. 

“So it’s settled, then? You’ll stay at my place?” he asks, but before you can make out an answer he blurts out, “oh, wait a minute. Is your fiance going to be cool with that? I met that guy once, I’m not looking to piss him off,” he says in a whisper and humoring tone to lighten the words. 

You laugh again, “no, it’s fine, Jensen.” In the silence, you ponder whether or not to tell him the truth. He was your biggest support when you and Jared had broken up, so maybe it wouldn’t do any harm to let him in on this one. “Actually, we uh,” you sigh. “Greg and I are actually separated. That’s kind of why I agreed to come on the show,” you say without looking him in the eyes. 

Out of the corner of your eyes, you see his go wide, a small pout forming on his face. “Oh, man,” he shakes his head, rubbing your knee with the hand he laid on it, “wow, Y/N. I’m really sorry.” 

“Yeah, no,” you wave him off. “No, it’s okay, really. I had my suspicions about him for the last year or so of our relationship, so I let go long before I realized I did, you know?” You say, finally looking up at his slightly tilted and pouting face. 

“Yeah, I can understand that,” he sympathetically smiles. 

You twist your head around in search for Jared, finding him leaning against the window with his eyes closed and mouth hanging wide open. You lean in to Jensen and soften your voice to a whisper, “please don’t tell anyone about this, especially not Jared.” 

His eyes look back at his friend before finding yours again with a nod. As you get off of the plane, you continue your conversation with Jensen, the both of you ignoring Jared all together. 

Walking down the stairs, and across the lot to another waiting SUV, your conversation about what kind of things you’re comfortable with doing on set rolls on. The drive to the convention, he asks about what kind of props you’re more comfortable using and, since the directors like to keep things as real as possible, if you’d prefer your stunt double to step in for the kissing scene or if you’d be willing to do it on your own.  
  


You tell him that you’re more than willing to do all of your scenes on your own, and tighten your lips to keep the smile from spreading too far. It was like a breath of fresh air being asked your opinion on things like this. On the set of Code Red, you were never offered a stunt double for kissing scenes. You were never even given the opportunity to fake the kiss with sneaky tricks and camera angles.

But here is Jensen, making sure you were as comfortable as could be. Jensen keeps a tight smile as well, nodding at you slowly. Before you know it, you’ve arrived and that stirring of anxiety in your stomach has as well. The guys and a few members of the crew sneak you inside, leaving you to wait behind a curtain for the emcee to finish announcing your arrival. 

You pace back and forth along the floor, thinking about all of the possible ways this could go wrong. Jensen grips onto your arm, and places himself in front of you, “hey, Y/N,” he says, dipping his head down to look at you. “It’s gonna be fine,” he chuckles. “I promise.” 

Letting out a long breath, your eyes dart around him, “I don’t know if I can do this,” you say. “I don’t know if I can face all of those people out there. What if I say the wrong thing? What if - what if I get us all in trouble? Or - or get myself kicked off the show?” you say with wide eyes. 

He laughs again, pulling you a bit closer to him, “you’re not gonna get anyone in trouble, and you’re not getting kicked off of the show.” He removes his hands from your arms to gesture while he speaks, “come on. Let’s take some deep breaths and stop worrying about what’s going to go wrong.” He points to the stage while keeping his eyes plastered on yours, “those people out there, are here for you.” 

You cock your head to the side with a slight eye roll, “no, they’re here for you and Jar-” 

“That’s true, but they’re here for you, too, Y/N. They’re here for all of us.” Shaking his head delicately he says, “this is not just a show, or - or a fan base. Those people out there are family. They love you, mistakes and all. Y/N, trust me when I say you’re going to be just fine,” he says, rubbing his hands up and down your arms. 

“Okay,” you swallow. 

“Okay? I’ll be right next to you. This is only a quick Q and A and then we’ll be back to filming before you know it,” he smiles. 

Taking in a deep breath, you close your eyes and nod. 

The crowd is screaming your names as you take your places on the stage. You can’t help the smile that forms on your face as a gentle, older man hands you a microphone and the family cheers. One episode and they love you already. The more excited all of the people are, the happier you become. You take your seat on a stool next to Jensen, listening to him as he greets the so-called family. 

Jensen stands, adjusting his shirt and tugging his pants up slightly. Your feelings mirror the reaction of the crowd as they cheer and holler at the sight of him fondling his shirt. He blushes, taking his seat quickly. You try to remind yourself that there are at least a hundred people with eyes on yours as you ogle the man to your side. You shift your attention to the fan standing off to the side. 

“Yes, hello,” Jensen greets the fan. She smiles brightly, and you lighten up at the sight of her excitement. It’s nice to get away from the stress of acting and to see all of the people you are doing this for makes it seem worth it. She asks him about what is coming and he only smiles, simply telling her that she will have to wait to see what comes, but letting out that a lot is happening on set. 

A few more heart warming questions are asked, and laughter is shared between the three of you and the family beyond the stage. When it simmers down, Jensen greets another fan. 

“Hi!” she squeals, “my question is for Y/N and Jared.” _Oh no, _you think, gulping. You keep the smile on your face, but quickly lose it in your eyes. “I was wondering what it’s like to be working together as exes? Is it ever awkward or weird?” 

The three of you laugh, yours a little airier than theirs, “well, now it is!” Jared jokes, the room breaking out into a soft laugh, “no, no, no,” he says, waving a hand and locking eyes with you. “No, I don’t think it’s awkward,” he says. You shake your head in agreement, although you definitely don’t feel the same way. “Me and Y/N - we’ve known each other for a very, _very _long time,” he smiles, looking back out onto the crowd. 

“Longer than I’ve known Jensen if you can believe it. We had a really amazing seven years with each other. I will always care about her, and as a matter of fact,” he points over to you, holding the microphone in the other hand, “she’s one of my best friends.” _Bull shit, _you think. “I don’t know how old you are-” 

“Twenty!” The fan shouts out. 

Jared nods, “right, okay, so you’re young. As you get older, um, you’ll realize that people will change and sometimes that means they grow apart. Some people are only meant to serve as temporaries while others are more permanent. Sometimes, people really are meant to be friends rather than having uh- a romantic relationship, you know?” He quickens up his speech, “and that’s okay. Some people that you meet are here to teach lessons, others to show you how to love.” 

Looking back over to you, chills run down your body. Keeping the smile on your face in this moment, so far, has been the most difficult part of the week. Everything he’s saying is true, just not for your situation. It’s all very flowery, and the perfect response to a fan’s question given what’s at stake, but it’s not the truth. The truth hurts, but hearing him spout off lies about how it was a civil and mutual separation hurts worse. 

“Y/N did both of those things. Without her, I don’t think I would have grown into the man I am today. She gave me courage on my bad days, strength when I needed it, and uh-” _yet you still cheated on me, awesome. _“I think that we both knew that we were ultimately just lessons for the other and decided, what?” he clears his throat, looking over at you with questioning eyes, “five years ago now?” 

You nod while smiling softly. He chuckles, “man, time really does fly by. We realized that we just weren’t right for each other,” he finishes, smiling at the fan and nodding in satisfaction of his answer. 

“So it wasn’t because you cheated?” The fan says. Everything goes silent, the crowd, Jared and Jensen. You lose your smile, but quickly pick it up. You fight the urge to scream out that it was. That no one had ever hurt you as deep and painful as he did when he strayed into the arms of another woman. You knew this day would come eventually. There was always one person to dig too deep, find out things they shouldn’t. 

You know secrets don’t last forever and this one is long overdue, but these fans, Jared and Jensen - they are counting on you to confirm his story, so you work up enough courage to get out a ‘no’ and swallow before clearing your throat. 

You pull the microphone up to your mouth and force a smile, “those allegations are misplaced, and completely untrue,” you say sweetly. “Like Jared said, we’re still really close,” you chuckle. “He’s the one that called me here in the first place,” you force a glance at Jared, and now he’s the one to lose his smile. With wide eyes he looks on you as you speak, “he’s the entire reason I got to join this wonderful family, and I couldn’t be more thrilled to have a part in it,” you say. 

Jared quickly changes the subject by calling on another fan, “hi!” she says. “My question is for Y/N!” 

You look over at the woman with a bright smile, “I was online and noticed that you haven’t done any filming since Code Red ended four years ago,” she looks around, “I think that’s the last time anyone heard from you, actually. I was wondering why. After all of the recognition you had, why did you decide to drop out of the industry and do you have maybe a more permanent role on Supernatural?” 

You hold the microphone between your knees, looking down at it while frantically trying to come up with an answer that is close enough to the truth, without giving away all of your secrets. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Jared making small, nervous movements in his chair, as if he was resisting the urge to speak out for you. “So, after Code Red ended I um-” you sigh. 

Looking back at the fan now you say, “you have to understand. Much like these guys on their ninth season now, I gave eight years of my life to that show before it ended,” you trace your eyes along the stage floor. “So,” you chuckle, “let’s just say I needed to take a break.” 

Jared moves his head in a small nod of approval, twisting your stomach into knots. The thought of him wanting to protect you in this sense or being satisfied with the answer you gave makes you sick. “As far as the more permanent role thing goes, you guys will just have to keep watching to find you,” you wink. 

—- 

Going back to the SUV, Jensen congratulates you on sticking it out and having such well-spoken answers. Jared is off in the distance, out of earshot and on his phone. His face is held tightly together as he paces back and forth. Rolling his eyes, he cancels the call and rests his head in his hand before jogging over to the SUV. 

“I don’t have any scenes until Monday, so go ahead without me and I’ll see you then, okay?” he says in one hefty breath. 

Jensen looks over at you before back to Jared, “are you sure, man?” 

Jared sighs, “yeah,” he says, eyes falling onto you, “I have some things I need to-” he looks back over at Jensen, “take care of, so I’ll see you guys in a few days,” he says before rushing back into the building. 

You and Jensen exchange a glance. Yours, however, is only a mock of his because you know exactly what it is that Jared has to take care of. And while you know you should feel slightly guilty for leaking that he’s the one that called you, you don’t. You only smile as if you spent the entire day riding roller coasters and eating candy at the fair, because man does it feel good to come out on top. Leaning your head against Jensen’s shoulder, you prepare yourself for the flight back to your first kiss with Dean. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst in the beginning, kiss in the middle, fluff at the end

_Creeping out of the motel room, you shiver slightly as a breeze slips by, kissing your skin on it’s way through. With only the light of a flickering street lamp, you see Dean resting guardedly against the breast of Impala. Propping himself up with a hand on Baby’s side and the other hand holding his head up. _

_You take sloth-like steps across the motel parking lot and find yourself in front of him. You bring your hand up to touch his cheek, but as it starts to quiver you drop it back down. _ _“Dean,” you whisper softly. He drops his hand, revealing the black, purple and blue that has formed under his eye and on his cheeks. You bite your lip to hold back a gasp. His eyes look into yours. The swirl of green dripping lightly like rain drops slipping off of leaves of a birch tree. “Are you okay, Dean?” _

_He slowly shakes his head, cringing as the pain runs through him again. “Bell,” he croaks. Looking past your shoulder at the door of the motel, he drops his train of thought, “where’s Sam?” _

_  
“He’s sleeping,” you say delicately. “What are you still doing out here?” you fold your arms across your chest, trying to huddle in the warmth of your jacket as another breeze rushes by. _

_Dean doesn’t even flinch. He offers only a shrug, “couldn’t sleep.” _

_You take a step towards him, leaning your back against the Impala and resting a hand on his thigh, “you wanna talk about it?” _

_Again, he shakes his head, “not really.” He glances over at you through the side of his eye, letting out a long, painful sigh. _

_“Dean, you saw things back there, didn’t you? I know what Djinn do, they - they give you what you truly want, but you’re… struggling with it, aren’t you? Why?”   
_

_He looks into your eyes, his own wide and holding a secret. He knows he can’t wiggle out of this with a lie, so he’ll try to avoid it. “I don’t want to get into it,” he sighs, waving his hand. _

_Moving from the Impala to stand in front of him, you bring your hand back up to his face, resting it palm down on his cheek. As you cup your hand around his face he leans into it, closing his eyes tightly. _

_You take another small step towards him, not quite chest to chest with him, but close enough to whisper softly and audibly. “Dean,” you hum, rubbing your thumb tenderly on top of his cheek. A tear meets with your hand, catching you by surprise. “Please talk to me,” you say quietly. _

_He opens his eyes and tilts his head back up to face you. Pulling your hand down slowly, you let it ride down his shoulder and chest before bringing it back to your side. His eyes vacillating between yours, he heaves a thick breath. “Sam says you’ve been having premonition type dreams,” he says. “A vision, too.” _

_You glance down at your feet, “I have.” _

_“How long?” he pants, eyes frowning slightly at you, “how long have you been having them?”   
_

_Looking back up at his swollen eyes, you babble out a gust of air, dropping your hands to your sides and glancing around the parking lot. “I don’t know,” you sigh, peeking up at him. “Couple weeks, I guess.” _

_“A couple week?” He whines, licking his lips and scanning the lot. Pushing himself off of the car to stand up straight he holds out his arms, “why didn’t you tell me, Bell? I thought we talked about this - you said you could tell me anything.”   
_

_“I did say that, Dean and I-” your brain switches gears and you’re brought back in time to a conversation between you and Jensen after your break up with Jared. A conversation that mirrors this one nearly perfectly, and out flows all of the things you wish you’d said then.   
_

_“I - I was scared, okay? I was terrified that if I told you the truth, you’d run from me. I was afraid that if I told you about the ch-” you stop.   
_

_The directors are surprisingly lenient about some improv here and there, but if you finished that word you’d have taken it further than far, and the scene would have to be run through again. You’d already been through this part of the scene a few times, leaving you eager for the kiss and to sleep in a bed for the first time in a week. _

_His eyes widen and you drop yours back onto your feet. “I meant it when I said I would _always _be there for you, Bell. ‘Always’ was a_ promise _and I intend on keepin’ it,” he says sternly. _

_“You said the same thing, Dean, about - about telling me anything. You said you would tell me what’s going on with you, even when it was difficult. That’s another promise you made, do you intend on keeping that one?” You p_lace a hand on his chest, “please let me in. Let me be here for you, too,” you plead. _  
_

_ _

_ _“You really want to know what I saw?” He says, squinting his eyes. You nod as he takes a few steps away from you, turning his back. _ _

_ _

_ _He remains silent, lost in a deep thought for just a moment before he turns back around to face you, “the world I was put into is one I never thought I would have chosen. I guess I did though, ‘cause they go after our true desires, right?” He says, mostly to himself and focusing on the ground to his side. He offers a tired chuckle, “I just don’t know what to do with this.” _ _

_ _

_ _“With what?” you murmur, taking small steps towards him.   
_ _

_ _

_ _“Well, to be honest with you, Bell, I never really thought of you as more than another hunter. Just someone we added to our little group of misfits.”   
_ _

_ _

_ _You scoff, “thanks, Dean,” you say under your breath. _ _

_ _

_ _“Just,” he holds a palm up at you, cocking his head to the side and shooting daggers from his eyes, “just let me finish. In that dream, I got to see you smile, your real smile, Bell. I got to see you laugh, and - and enjoy things we don’t get to in this life, like - like going out for ice cream and eatin’ it in the park, or - or havin’ a barbecue in the back yard. I watched you laugh so hard you had tears runnin’ down your cheeks,” he chuckles. “I didn’t want it to end,” he whispers quietly to himself.   
_ _

_ _

_ _“But uh, it had to,” he shrugs, “otherwise I guess I wouldn’t be here to tell you any of this.” His eyes pop back onto yours, “you were happy, Bell. I mean, you were genuinely happy in ways I’ve never seen from you before,” he shakes his head.   
_ _

_ _

_ _Standing just in front of him now, you remain quiet as he speaks, keeping your hand balled up against your chest, “and I got no problem with any of that. I do want that for you.” He scoffs lightly, “I wouldn’t have believed it if I didn’t see it with my own eyes, but in that world - that dream, it was me that made you laugh. I was the one making you smile. We were happy together, but it wasn’t - it wasn’t real. None of it was real.” He bows his head forward, “and - and know that in this life - this god forsaken world - there’s no way I could make you that happy. That’s just not real.” _ _

_ _

_ _Going against your anxieties, you tenderly grip onto his cheeks again - this time with both hands and careful not to agitate the bruising as you pull his head up to face you. With your heart throbbing in your chest, you bring your lips to his forehead, kissing it gently. “We can make it real, Dean,” you gracefully whisper against his skin before pulling away. _ _

_ _

_ _He shakes his head. “No,” he says, “it’s too dange-” _ _

_ _

_You don’t give him time to finish his thoughts, and slam your mouth against his, pulling him into an abysmal kiss. He shuffles back a few steps in response to your weight against him, keeping his lips frozen as the realization of what has happened hits him. _

_When he wraps his hands around your back, a sensation stirs in your stomach and gradually coasts down further and tickles your spine. Placing your hands around the back of his neck, a whimper falls from his lips as the kiss intensifies. His hands soar to the small of your back in a hurried pursuit to pull you closer. _

_Your faces move quickly around each other to accommodate for the rapid movements of your lips. He shuffles closer to you, one foot on either side of your legs, leaning you back slightly but keeping a firm grip on your back. You run your hands up his sides and rest them against his shoulder blades while pushing yourself into him to keep your balance. _

_He twirls around with you. A grunt of avidity drips from your lips as he slams you against the Impala without removing his lips from yours. Running your hands down your arms and racing them back into your hair, you break from the kiss and lean your head against the car to catch your breath. _

_Taking advantage of your position, his kisses whisk down the side of your face and onto your neck. Another needy moan breaks from you. Your hand pounces onto the top of his head, gripping onto his hair as he takes his time on your neck - kissing softly in some places, and biting down on others. The need to feel his lips on yours surges through you once again. Keeping your hand in his hair, you jerk your head up, pulling his lips onto yours and stumbling forward with the momentum. _

_His leg wedges between yours as he pushes into you dotingly. You know a motel parking lot isn’t the place to let the moaning of this volume spring from your mouth, but you almost can’t help it. Forcing his tongue against the inside of your lips, you moan into his mouth as they open wider, allowing him to lick inside of your mouth. You break your tongue through to caress his and let them dance in a fight for dominance, relishing the vibration of his moan against your lips. _

_You lurch your hips forward, eliciting a cry of pleasure from him. Running your hands up and down his back, it doesn’t seem like you’re in control of your body anymore as the kiss rouses a heat in the pit of your stomach. You feel a slow drip in your underwear, causing your knees to slightly buckle. _

_He belts out another unscripted moan. You know music will be playing over this part of the scene once the editors get a hold of it, but you pay that no mind and continue to enjoy the rattling of his tongue as he lets out another grunt. Your hands grip tightly onto his waist with an urgent need to bring him into you. Wrapping your fingers through the loops of his pants you tug him towards you, desperately trying to make close closer. _

_He whimpers out a cushioned, blissful moan as you gently bite down on his lip. You take your time to suck on the sweetness of his tender skin. He crashes into you once more, forcing you to release your grip on his mouth as you throw your head back in euphoria. His lips gravitate back onto your neck, just behind your ear as his hand trails up your shirt. _

A small voice in the back of your head calls out. Something doesn’t seem right. You hear a person off in the distance clearing their throat before speaking out loudly, “all right kids. Cut it out,” the director says through laughter. 

Jensen keeps his lips against your neck, bringing them up to your ear to suck on your earlobe. He’s either pretending he can’t hear them, or is so engulfed in the scene - in you - that he really can’t. You hop on board with pretending not to hear the directors and close your eyes. His hand lands on top of your breast, squeezing gently. Staccato breaths leave your lips as his coast onto your cheeks. 

He pulls away to watch your face with covetous eyes while you writhe under him to his fingers as they gently twist on your hardened nipple. You look up at him lasciviously as his eyes slit, and he slows his movements on your breast. 

You switch your legs so that your knee rests between his and push into him softly, feeling the tense, swell of his jeans. The pressure on his already pulsating member sends his face into your neck kissing you feverishly. You grip onto his cheeks and move your face towards him in a greedy yearning to have his lips on yours again. 

He finally surrenders his mouth to you, leaving you in control. You tighten your hands around his waist before moving them up his back, pulling him closer and pushing against him harder, rougher. This time, he pushes back, pushing you deeper against the car. The cold exterior of the Impala is easily ignored as the heat floods through your body. 

Your hands fall back onto his waist, riding up the front of his shirt. They linger on his chest as the kissing escalates into a passion that no longer only lies between Bell and Dean, but now as an unspoken attraction between you and Jensen. Only slowing for breaths when it’s absolutely necessary, you use those moments to creep your hands up his chest and wrap them around his neck. 

You can’t get enough of each other which is not only apparent to you, but to the rest of the crew on set for the day. An agitated voice is heard in the distance, “seriously guys, wrap it up. We want to go home.” 

Jensen stills his lips against yours, catching his breath before pulling away completely. When he does, a shot of electricity pulses through you. You slowly unwrap your hands from his neck, blushing softly as he turns to face the crew. 

“Oh, you sure you don’t want to do another take? I’m not sure we got it right that time,” Jensen jokes, grinning smugly at the directors as walks towards them, being sure to throw a wink your way. 

The directors push out faux laughter, provoking giggles from you as you walk towards Misha. 

“They called cut like six time you crazy love birds,” Misha jokes with a bright smile, causing the heat to rush to your cheeks again. 

****

Jensen flashes a smile at you as he unlocks the door and holds it open. You bow down in a small curtsy with a giggle before walking in. 

“You hungry?” he asks. “I have leftovers from dinner last night. Parmesan salmon and Caesar salad if you’re interested.” 

Smiling, you wave a hand, “no. Thank you for offering. I’m not really hungry, just tired.” 

“Right,” he says, skipping in front of you and leading you down the hallway. He opens the first door, allowing you to walk in. “It’s not much, but it’s probably a lot better than your car,” he laughs. 

“No it’s-” you glance around the room covered in what looks like fan-art, drawn and painted pictures of the cast, sculptures and so much more. “It’s perfect.” 

He steps into the room, “I keep everything that gets sent to me. It’s so neat to me how close this family has grown. I wouldn’t be where I am without these people,” he says, gesturing to the art that hangs from the walls and around the room. 

“That’s beautiful,” you breathe, stepping towards him and bringing your lips to his cheek, kissing softly. His eyes shut as your lips fall onto his skin and open when you pull away. “Thank you Jensen for - well,” you chuckle, “for everything.” 

He smiles humbly, “it’s nothing, Y/N, really.” He takes a deep breath, “uh, do you maybe want to talk about what happened back there?” 

“I think that kiss speaks for itself, don’t you?” You laugh. 

“Well, yeah,” he blushes, looking down at his feet before bringing his eyes back onto yours, “I meant the improv parts. I was curious about where you were heading with that.” 

“Oh, that…” you sigh. “Look, if I tell you this you’re going to be mad, and that might ruin things on set.I don’t want you to be in the middle of this drama.” 

“What on Earth could you have done to make me mad?” 

“Oh,” you say with a hand on his arm, “not at me,” you breathe deeply, closing your eyes, “Jared.” 


	7. Part Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: verbal fight, punch thrown, fluff, protective!Jensen, soft kiss

After telling Jensen everything about your break up with Jared, you felt a weight lift off of your shoulders. The only people to know the full truth had been you, Jared and Gen. Of course, that was how they wanted it. You felt like you were out numbered, and had you outed the truth - they would have denied it.

Jared and Jensen, after working together for years, were the best of friends. Over the course of your relationship with Jared, meeting Jensen and becoming friends with him ended up being the high point, but you knew that the bond they’d developed would always be greater than whatever kind of relationship you could build with Jensen. 

That seemed to go out of the window last night, but only really became apparent on set today when the formerly clear and comfortable air started to tense, and everyone seemed to be holding their breath without really knowing why. 

You were silent as ever as Polly put your makeup on for the day, despite all of her questions and excitement of your more than zealous performance with Jensen the day before. She, as well as everyone else, knows about your past with Jared and threw out that maybe everyone was acting weird because of the kiss. She figured maybe Jared heard it was a bit steamier than anticipated and perhaps he was jealous. It was the first thing to make you laugh. 

You brush her hand away as Jensen walks by, apologizing to her as you sprint for him. You grip onto his shoulder before saying anything, turning him to face you. He doesn’t move his eyes, keeping them on the ground but you notice that they are absent and have tired circles forming underneath them. 

“Are you okay?” you ask, nearly tripping on the words. “You’re not upset with me, right?” 

  
His eyes finally flicker to yours, painted with surprise and squinting slightly, “what? Why would I be upset with you?” 

You shrug, “we haven’t really spoken since last night and I - I don’t know. I mean,” you lower your voice to a whisper, “you and Jared are best fri-” 

“Were,” he cuts in sharply. “I could never remain friends with a person who could hurt someone so deeply and be fine with keeping that a secret.” 

You close your eyes, exhaling a long breath. This is not what you wanted to happen when you told him. You simply just wanted him to know about it, should there be anything forming between the two of you. What you didn’t want, was to cause tension on set. 

He gently brushes your hand from his chest and rushes onto set, getting himself prepared for the last scene of the day. Ironically, the Winchester brothers are in another non-talking spell that your character forces them to break out of, but of course, that only leads to a fight between the two of them. 

Begrudgingly dragging yourself behind him, you find your mark on set and prepare for the beginning of the scene. When the director calls ‘action’, you take slow steps to your next mark. 

_The Winchester’s stand facing away from each other in a small motel room. Dean has his arms crossed, and Sam exhales slowly before bringing himself around to face Dean’s back. _

“_Look, Dean. It was stupid,” he rolls his eyes, letting his arms fall to the side, “it was reckless and -” _

_Dean flips around, eyes full of animosity and eyebrows pointing into them, “stupid?” he repeats. Sam nods slowly. “Reckless?” He scoffs. _

_It was your idea to get them talking in the first place, so you take a few steps away from the bed should you have to moderate. The anger radiating from Jensen isn’t coming from Dean at all. You figure it has to be coming from what you confided in him the night before, and gulp in anticipation. You open your mouth to say your line, but Jensen speaks over you. _

_“It was _more _than just ‘reckless’. What you did was - it was cold blooded, it was cruel and it was downright disgusting,” he spits, using his hands to tally the adjectives. Sam folds his face in confusion, he as well as anyone knows this is not part of the script. Dean takes a step closer, ratting a finger at him. “I can’t believe the extent you went to, to make yourself happy. What you did to her, was-” he shakes his head, “there are no words for it.” _

_Turning away from him, Dean throws his hands on top of his head, running them down his face and letting out a long sigh. _

_“I - I don’t understand, Dean. I - I was doing what I could to protect you - protect Bell,” he says in an attempt to get back on track. _

Jensen flips around again, waving his finger, “no! You were doing what was best for_ you, _Jared! You were only focused on what made you happy. You didn’t care that you were hurting her, you didn’t care that you broke her heart and you obviously didn’t care how much it’s hurt her to keep this bottled up for years, not being able to tell anyone about it, lest she ruined your career,” he steps closer, lowering his voice. “Do you even care that it hurt her?” he tilts his head to the side, “does it even bother you for one second that she’s been hurting this whole time, with no one to go to for comfort?” 

  
The director has called cut, but Jared and Jensen are too deep into argument to pay that any mind. Jared takes a step closer, scrunching his face, “don’t you dare assume I never cared for her! I loved her so mu-” 

“Why would I have to assume anything? You proved it yourself! You loved her _until _someone new came along, right? Until it just didn’t fit in with you anymore?” He shakes his head, “and that bull shit you spat out at the convention. I wish I’d have known this before then, but - well, I guess it doesn’t change much,” he looks up into Jared’s eyes, “how long were you going to go on before telling the truth? How long would you have let this go, huh?” 

Jared’s mouth opens, eyes softer now and looking back and forth between you and Jensen. You stand behind Jensen now, using him as a shield. 

“I mean, it would have come out eventually,” he carelessly shrugs, looking over at you. You turn your face into Jensen’s arm, realizing that he was never going to come forward with the truth, and knowing that he would rather hurt you than tell the truth makes it too painful to look at him. 

“Just not from you,” Jensen states, face cold and chest puffed. The crew stands in silence, watching the scene unfold, “you would have let her carry this to her grave, wouldn’t you?” Jensen yells, the anger back in his voice. 

His breathing elevates, the anger inside of him taking over as he throws a hearty punch to the side of Jared’s face. Everyone on set gasps, not really knowing how to respond to the sudden fight. Before he can wind up to throw another, Misha and Mark grip onto Jensen’s arms, pushing you back and pulling Jensen away from Jared as the director and a few medics rush to his side. Jared crouches over, holding a hand to his face. 

Everyone else keeps their distance, mouths open and whispering among each other. Your heart drops into your chest, the commotion is too much for you to take in, leaving you overwhelmed. You are somewhat happy that Jensen took it upon himself to stand up for you, but you are also terrified of what’s to come at the following conventions, or days on set. 

Jensen wiggles out of Misha and Mark’s grasp, shaking out his arm as he walks quickly off of set. You glance over at Jared apologetically as he stands now with an ice pack to his eye before running after Jensen. 

You find him in the break room, sitting on the couch with his face cradled in his hands. Carefully sitting beside him, you put a hand on his back and one on his knee. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” he murmurs under his hands. You remain quiet for just a moment, running comforting circles on his back. He pulls his hands away to look into your eyes, his own glistening. Your head tilts to the side, a small pout forming on your lips. “I lost myself back there, it was stupid, careless.” His head shakes as he looks down at the carpet. “You said you wanted it to remain a secret, but I couldn’t-” 

Your hand moves to his neck, just gently rubbing his skin before entering into his hair. Bringing yourself to your knees in front of him, you draw your other hand to the side of his face to run your thumb against his cheeks. “It’s fine,” you whisper, but he only shakes his head. 

Scooting yourself between his thighs, a few unintentional tears slip from your eyes, “Jensen,” you squeak. “What you did back there-” the tears fall into his lap as you dip your head down. 

He places a few fingers underneath your chin, forcing your head up to look him in the eyes again. “I know, Y/N. I never meant to hurt you, I swear. I’m so sorry,” he whispers softly. 

“No, that’s not what I’m saying. I-” realizing that words will never be able to capture the gratitude you feel, you take a deep breath. 

Keeping your hands on his cheeks, you bring your face closer to his and let your lips meet against his, keeping them motionless until his grasp on. His face tightens up before his hands move onto the back of your neck, kissing you softly yet passionately while pulling you a bit closer. 

Straightening your back, your chest presses against his and his hands trail down to the top of your hips. The kiss, while as sensual as the one you shared the day before, isn’t as sultry as yesterdays. With both of your cheeks glistening from tears, this kiss seems to hold an answer to all of your questions - there’s grace in this kiss, an element of fondness, or emotion, rather than the lust that was present yesterday. 

What was unclear to you yesterday is apparent now, in this moment - after his outburst at Jared for breaking your heart, to kissing you like the world depends on it - Jensen is definitely, undeniably falling for you, and you can’t help but to be falling for him, too. 


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst, fluff, talk of cheating,

There’s a rustling noise by the door. Anxious and angry feet shuffle into the room. Swiftly, you pull yourself away from Jensen and stand. You see Jared with his arms crossed and lips taut.

The air crisps and tightens, as if it gets sucked right out of the room. Jensen slowly brings himself to his feet beside you, while you struggle to find a comfortable stance, shifting your weight from one leg to the other.

  
  


“So that’s what that was all about?” Jared barks, moving a finger between the two of you. “You ruined the take and everyone’s day because you want to defend your new girlfriend?”

Yesterday, you might have tried to calm him down, and you might have even left the room. Today, a fury whirls around in your stomach, and you take fearless steps towards him, pointing a finger. 

“The only person to ruin the day was you, Jared,” you shout. Jensen stands by your side now, with a hand on your back in a soft gesture to claim that he’s on your side. 

Jared’s face relaxes just slightly, arms now on his hips. You press on, “you hurt me more than _anyone _ever has, and you expect me to just live with that? You expect me to just be _okay _with you living your perfect, happily ever after with the woman you cheated on me with?” 

His mouth hangs open, squinting eyes now open wide. You point your finger at him, “you brought this on yourself, Jared.” 

“No, Y/N,” he growls. Looking between you and Jensen, the anger fills his face again. He tilts his head to the side, holding out a hand, “aren’t you getting _married? _You have someone at home _waiting _for you, and you’re here making out with someone you work with. How is that any different than what I did. You’re _just _as guilty,” he says, turning around to leave the room. 

“Just as guilty, huh?” you chuckle. “Should I tell your wife that you kissed me, then?” you shout as he reaches the handle. 

He freezes, turning around slowly. With your arms crossed, you glare at Jared and ignore the wide eyed expression beating on you from Jensen. 

“You wouldn’t,” he says through clenched teeth, giving his head a single shake. He takes a step towards you, and is slightly hunched over at the torso. 

“Why would I?” you shrug. “You can’t just go around kissing anyone you want and expect that it’s going to just be kept a secret,” you shout. 

He straightens himself out, a cocky grin placed on his face as he folds his hands together in front of him. He takes a short moment to sort out his thoughts, looking between you and Jensen. “Should I tell _your _fiance that you kissed Jensen?” he says, pointing a finger at him while keeping his eyes glued on yours. 

You smile, saying nothing for a moment. The gratification you know you’ll feel when he realizes that it’s a lost cause is worth seeing him soak in pride. “He’s only going to laugh,” you say finally. He stands stoic, keeping silent and seemingly frozen in thought. “You tell her, or I will,” you say, folding your arms. Jensen tightens his grip on your back. 

He finally comes out of his thoughts enough to laugh, “she’s not going to believe you.” 

“She’d believe me,” Jensen mumbles, softly shrugging. “I’ll tell her if you don’t,” he says with a straight face, but glaring Jared’s way. 

“Seriously, man?” he gripes. “We’ve been friends for how long? And you’re not only gonna get with my _ex, _but you’re gonna try and ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to me?” 

You don’t expect that to hurt as much as it does, but as soon as those words hit your ears you belt out a hefty breath - as if they had punched you in the stomach. 

“Why does that matter to you, anyway?” you shout, tears forming in the corner of your eye. “We have been separated for four years, Jared. I never thought I’d be in a situation like this; being kissed by the person who cheated on me, while he’s cheating on the person he cheated on me with,” you chuckle at the absurdity. “It’s like you want your cake and to eat it, too, but that’s not how things work. You don’t have any rights over me, you sure as hell can’t say what I can or cannot do. And that goes for Jensen, too.” You take a deep breath, softening your tone, “and like I said earlier, the only person to have ruined anything is you. She deserves to know, Jared,” you sigh. 

He scoffs. “Unbelievable,” Jared bitterly chuckles before leaving the room. 

Turning to Jensen, you focus on his tender expression. The affection he shows you only provokes more tears. You let yourself fall into his chest, wrapping your hands around his back. He brings his to the back of your head, patting it softly before running his fingers through your hair. 

Pulling you tighter he shushes you, and you can feel the hum in his chest more than you can hear the words. “It’s okay, Y/N. Don’t let him get to you,” he delicately whispers. After giving you a moment to get your emotions out, he gently pulls you out of his chest. Wiping the tears from your eyes, he smiles. “What do you say we go out there, heads held high and finish out the day, huh?” 

You only nod, wiping away the final tears. As you turn to face the door, having only taken one step, Jensen grabs onto your wrist and pulls you to face him again. His eyes link with yours before planting a kiss on your forehead. 

Bringing his hands to your cheeks, he lifts you face to him. His eyes flicker between yours, showing you a deeper glimpse of the forest around his pupils. The back of his fingers rest against your cheek, while the other hand runs gently over your temple and pulls a strand of hair behind your ear. 

He unhurriedly brings his face to yours, savoring every bit of the intimacy between the two of you before having to leave. You watch his eyes shut, and his lips creep closer to yours before allowing your own eyes to fall closed. He kisses you delicately, lips smooth and pressing snug against yours. 

The kiss only lasts a moment, but the fluttering in your stomach is all the same. As he pulls away, and eyes open they land on you. “Everything is going to be okay,” he whispers. “I promise.” 

You want to ask him if he’s sure and how he knows that everything will be fine, but something inside of you is saying to trust him. You have someone on your side for the first time in a long time, and you don’t want to do anything to jeopardize that. You force a smile, and nod at him. 

Walking out of the door and down the hallway, a notion of courage fills your being. You hold your head high just as he said, and ready yourself for any and all antics that could transpire. A you near the edge of the hallway, you feel the faint brush of his fingers against your hand. 

You turn to face him, a smile forming on your face against your will and link fingers with him. He smiles in return, tightening his grip on your hand and walking in sync with you back out with the crew. 

Your smile drops when you see Robert Singer with his hands folded together, Jared by his side. Robert unwraps his hands and uses one to gesture you over to him. Taking a deep breath, you try to settle the rattling and increasing beating of your heart. Taking slow steps over, the four of you huddle in a group of tense air. Robert shakes his head before opening his mouth to speak, losing the words before they can make their way out. 

He takes another breath, “look. I don’t know what’s going on between the three of you,” he sighs. “But let’s at least _try _to keep things somewhat professional around here, okay? You can settle this fight - or disagreement, whatever you want to call it - on your own time, but we have deadlines to make, guys.” His eyes shift between the three of you, sympathetic yet rightfully annoyed, “let’s just get through these scenes today, okay?” 

You nod, but keep your eyes on the ground. You bring a hand to your chest to make sure you’re still breathing. When you bring your eyes back up, you notice that Jensen’s hand never left yours and Jared’s squinting eyes are locked in on them. 

  
Robert walks back to his place by the camera, motioning for the three of you to head back onto the set. Polly rushes over to your side with her repair kit, but Robert speaks out before she can lift her arm. 

“Don’t worry about makeup, dear,” he waves. “We’re short on time, and the puffy, teary faces will work well for these scenes, anyway.” 

She scurries off as you find your mark by the bed, Jensen stands with his arms crossed and back to Jared. Robert counts down to one before calling action and you step to your second mark. 

_The Winchester’s face away from each other. Sam exhales slowly before bringing himself around to face Dean’s back. “Look, Dean. It was stupid,” he rolls his eyes, letting his arms fall to the side, “it - it was reckless, and -” _

_Dean flips around, eyes full of animosity and eyebrows pushing together, “you bet your ass it was stupid,” he shouts, wagging a finger at his brother. Sam nods slowly, letting out a weighted breath, “you could have gotten yourself killed, Sam!” _

_“But he didn’t, Dean,” you say. “He-”   
_

_“I don’t care, Bell!” he shouts without removing his eyes form Sam. You cower back a step, putting your hand in the other and rubbing on your palm. “What were you thinkin’, Sam?” He says, voice just a bit softer, “_were _you even thinking?” _

_Sam opens his mouth, the words falling out before he can catch them. “I - I know, Dean,” he starts looking over at you. In the script, you know you’re supposed to hold “disappointed eye contact” with him, but you look away instead. He brings his eyes back onto Dean, “I - I was just doing what I could to protect you, protect Bell,” he says with a hand pointing your way. _

_Dean takes a step towards him, “you can’t just throw yourself in the line of fire like that, Sam.” He breathes deeply, eyes falling shut. When he opens them again, he takes another small step towards Sam, “I’d be a mess without you, man.” _

_“I know, Dean,” Sam sighs.   
_

“And cut,” Robert calls out harshly. “Great, he says in monotone, “now, was that really so hard?” he says with a sigh. 


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: drunk!Jared, fluff in the beginning, some angst, and a couple of F-bombs, insecure thoughts,

Sitting on the bed in Jensen’s spare room, you fidget with some of the notes and drawings from the nightstand. You’ve never really thought of yourself as a sensitive person, or someone that would cry over something as simple as cute pictures and sweet notes. With pressure, and years of pushing things down, a breaking point or limit is inevitable.

The door creaks as it opens, and while you know you haven’t done anything wrong, you drop the papers and brush the tears away in one swipe. Jensen smiles as he makes his way in, “well, aren’t you adorable?” he says, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

A laugh breaks out of you - the kind of laugh that sounds more like a cough wearing a smile. A chuckle, really, that means more than a full, rolling on the floor, bellowing laughter. “I’m glad you think so,” you smile as he gently places a hand on your blanket covered leg, shuffling a bit closer. 

“You okay?” he asks in a soft whisper. 

Accidentally shaking your head just slightly at first, you belt out a ‘yes’ to accommodate.

That’s not very convincing,” he says with a small laugh, rubbing your ankle. 

Taking in a deep breath, you bring your eyes up to his. They have a hint of gold sparkling in them as the crinkle into a small smile, and you suddenly feel very vulnerable. Even more so than your first nude scene in Code Red. 

You hardly even know Jensen, but somehow he’s gotten you to spill about your break ups with Greg and Jared. The way things happened with Jared was really something you thought you were taking to your grave. He’s somehow gotten you to agree with staying at his place until you found your own, or you got kicked off the show for causing drama, whatever happened first. The only thing you haven’t told him about yet is your ‘issue’ when it comes to acting, and playing characters. That’s what Jared had called it, an ‘issue’. 

It’s only a matter of time before that starts spilling out, too. What would he do with that information? He’s protected you thus far; showed you sympathy when you confided in him about Greg, he stood up for you when it came to Jared and he gave you a bed to sleep in when he found out you’d been sleeping in your car. 

So where is this uneasiness coming from? Why is your stomach doing flips and somersaults? Why are you aching to go - to be alone? Why can’t your mind and heart agree that he is one of the good ones? But, is he? 

Why, when there’s been plenty of evidence to show that he’s not going to hurt you like you’ve been hurt in the past, do you feel like it’s an act? What if everything he’s doing is just to - to get something from you? And what happens when he gets it? 

His silky, tired voice pulls you out of your head, “Y/N?” 

You jerk your eyes up to his, seeing that he’s sitting right by your side now, hand on your arm. “Huh?” you get out, blinking your eyes quickly. Are you dreaming? Everything that’s happened - is _that_ real? 

“How ‘bout some food?” he offers with a weak smile, pulling you out of your thoughts yet again. 

“Hm,” you hum. He tilts his head to the side, keeping his smile. “Sure,” you say, shaking your head once to get rid of all of the thoughts. 

“That’s my girl,” he says, patting your leg. You immediately feel off, but don’t know why. When he stands, he shakes his head with a laugh, “this might sound weird,” he starts, but clears his throat. 

“What?” you ask gently, sitting up straight to toss the blankets to the side.

“Well, you might think this is crazy,” he says with a low chuckle. “But, uh, when you play a character for so long… they, um,” he says, removing his eyes from yours and planting them on the floor. 

You stand, bringing a hand to his arm. Your heart jumps, and a smile makes it’s way onto your face, “they start to shine through our personalities, don’t they?” you say, a bit excited and trying to contain it. 

He laughs just slightly, bowing his head, “yeah, I suppose they do. That’s more of a,” he twists his face, almost like he’s afraid to admit to it, “Dean thing to say.   
‘That’s my girl’ - it’s not,” he pauses, taking a small breath. 

“I get it,” you nod. “I get it more than anyone else. I promise you, Jensen,” you say quickly, nodding with the words. 

He smiles, and that’s all you need to forget all of your doubts that he’s like the men from you past. All of your questions of whether or not you can trust him fly out of the window, jumping away because of one single smile. Maybe - just maybe - you’re not alone when it comes to falling too deeply into your characters. Maybe Jensen struggles with the same thing. 

He’ll never know what it was that caused you to kiss him as passionately as you do, or maybe he will, but it won’t be now. For now, you just enjoy your lips slamming against his, his body rocking back a few steps and his hands wrapping around your back to pull you close. 

There’s a faint noise that sounds similar to a knocking at the door. Hesitantly, he pulls away from you. After kissing him once more, you follow him out of the room and down the hallway. When he opens the door, Jared pushes his way into the house, screaming at Jensen. 

Jared’s face is pale and sweaty as continues to yell at Jensen, “oh, great,” he shouts, looking directly at you. “She’s here, too,” he scoffs. “I should’ve fucking known,” he mutters, glaring at Jensen who puts himself in front of you. 

As Jared steps closer, you can see and smell the sweat on his face and hair. The smell causes your nose to crinkle up. You step to the side of Jensen, no longer feeling the need to have a shield. “Have you been drinking, Jared?” you accuse, eyebrows pinched together. 

He leans just his torso towards you, throwing his hands out to the side, “so fucking what if I have been, Y/N,” he shouts. “What does it matter to you?” he says. 

  
Jensen places his palms onto Jared’s chest, gently shoving him back a few steps. “Calm down, man,” he says. “Just relax.” 

“How can I?” Jared shouts. “She left me, man,” he says softly, and you’re no longer sure if the dampness to his face is sweat or tears - perhaps both. 

You want to feel sorry for him, just as Jensen probably is. You can see it in his face, with the wide eyes and mouth slightly open - not exactly sure what to say to Jared. Sorry isn’t even the right word, because Jensen doesn’t feel sorry, exactly. Guilty maybe, but why? You shift your eyes from Jensen as he sputters and back onto Jared, who is already locked in on you. 

“What do you want us to say, Jared?” you say in a softer voice than you wanted. “You want us to say sorry? Do you want us to feel guilty? What do you want from us?” 

He jabs a finger at you, taking one long step forward. “I don’t want anything from _you_,” he says through his teeth, “I came here for Jensen,” he growls. 

Jensen turns to face you, still oozing guilt and sympathy for his former friend. After gently kissing your cheek, he turns to face Jared. He takes a few steps towards him and puts a hand on his shoulder. 

“Let’s take a walk,” Jensen says, turning back just once to smile at you before heading for the door. 

“What?” you gasp, quickly jogging towards them. “You can’t just - what?” you say, Jensen offering one last smile before closing the door behind them. 

Frustrated, you let out all of your breath and throw your hands on your face, wondering why letters could make you cry but you’re stuck in anger limbo now. You pace along the floor for a moment, telling yourself to relax. But how could you relax? 

You head into the kitchen for a beer, hoping it will help to calm you down. Before you can get the fridge open, you see Jensen’s phone sitting on the counter. All of the blood rushes from your face. Your heart drops, and an idea hits you. 

Closing the fridge without a drink you reach for the phone, it lights up in your hands. Your mind is running a mile a minute. If Jared was here, drunk and depressed because she left him that means that he told her. You know that Gen would never answer if you called her, so you hold the phone to your ear and listen to the soft ringing. 

  
“Hi, Jay,” she says, sniffling. You open your mouth to speak, but let it hang open. “Jay? Is Jared with you?” 

“No,” you say, tensing up. “Look, don’t hang up, please,” you plead, the tears finally making their way through. You cover your mouth, closing your eyes as you clamp down - trying to keep the tears a secret. You take a deep breath, opening your eyes and peering out of the kitchen at the door, “I need to talk to you, it’s - it’s really important.” 


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: a teeny bit of angst in the beginning, because of sad!reader and her confession, but the rest is just straight, pure fluff

Everything blurs together, and you’re not sure what happened after the call. You only know that you ended up in a crumpled mess on the cold tile of the kitchen with Jensen’s phone on the floor next to your hands. Luckily, the phone is unarmed and scrape free in the fall, but the same can’t be said for you and your heart as it thumps in a minute regret. Overall, you are satisfied with your decision to call her, but it doesn’t make the whole situation hurt any less. 

When you hear the click of the front door opening, your feet find their way to a standing despite your desire to remain on the floor for eternity. Wiping the tears from your face, you cautiously walk into the living room and prepare to face the aftermath. 

Tugging mindlessly at your sleeves, your hands are covered and quivering. When he sees you, Jensen lets out a long breath and holds his arms out to you as if he already knows what is going through your mind without asking. 

You read the lines on his face like a book; one that tells the story of love, and sympathy. So many words jumping out at you and you read them as they come, or perhaps they buzz in your ears like whispers. Whatever the case may be, you find it to be calming and take gradual steps towards his open arms. 

Standing in front of him, he wraps his arms around you to pull you tightly against him, “it’s gonna be okay,” he whispers. “Everything is going to be just fine.” You can feel that he’s unsure of the words he’s speaking, but it warms your heart that he pushes aside his doubts to show security and strength to you. 

“I know,” you mumble into his chest. “I fixed it,” you choke, the tears pouring onto his shirt. 

Gently pulling you away, he scans your expression for answers to the questions in his mind. “What - what do you mean you ‘fixed it’?” he asks softly. 

You shrug faintly, “I - I called her,” you say, voice quivering along with the rest of you and finger shaking in a point at the kitchen - phone still on the floor. His confused eyes match your gaze. “I told her I lied about it.” 

Hiccuping now, the tears come quicker than your words can and his pressed face isn’t helping the bouncing in your stomach. He quickly relaxes his face and softens his voice, “why would you -” he starts. Bringing his hands to your arms, he dips his head down to your height. “What do you mean?” he says before pulling back up and looking around the room. “Here,” he says, guiding you towards the couch and plopping you onto the cushions before sitting next to you. 

You rest your knee up on the couch and face him, wiping your face with your sleeves. You take a deep breath and tell him everything; how you went in for a beer, but saw his phone and decided to call her. 

“I was angry when I told him to tell her. I didn’t think he would actually do it,” you say, shaking your head. “I - breaking them up is not what I wanted. That felt worse than I imagined it would. I don’t want drama. I don’t want to hurt her, I don’t want her to feel what I felt when I found out about them,” you breathe. “It’s painful, Jens,” you say, eyes back up at him as he nods. “It’s one of the worst feelings in the world; to be cheated on. And no matter how angry I was at them when it happened, I - I don’t want to hurt other people. Even if they hurt me.” 

Taking a deep breath, you close your eyes momentarily. He brings a hand to your arm and rubs lightly. “I’m over it now,” you say. “I just want all of this to be over. I don’t care about him, and I don’t care about her,” you shout, not realizing how loud you are talking until you stop for another breath. Lowering your voice, you bring a hand to his face and cup his cheek. “I just care about you,” you smile, tilting your head slightly. 

His eyes light up, a smile forming on his face. His hand lovingly tightens around your arm in response, not knowing what words to say. “You have been so, so amazing to me. Everything that you’ve done for me - I don’t even know how to begin in thanking you. You make me feel alive, something I haven’t felt in a long time, Jens. And - and it’s not even about any of that, really. I - “ saying the word, you let your mouth hang open. Your eyes move between his, and you watch the pink feel his smiling cheeks as you wonder if it’s too soon to tell him how you feel. 

“Jensen, I-” _Crap, why is this so hard? _You think, shaking your head. You grip onto his arms, holding him stable in front of you as if you’re preparing for him to flee. “You are so caring, and genuine. You are attractive, which is really just a plus,” you giggle. “You have been my savior, my hero, Jens, and I think that I might be-” you stop again. 

His face brightens, eyebrows no longer pressed together in confusion. Bringing his fingers to your face, he gently runs his thumb over your lips as a smile grows on his own. He watches your expression change as your head tips back just slightly. Slowly, he moves his hand to the side of your face. You close your eyes, letting him gently massage behind your ear, his hand caressing the side of your face. 

The couch creaks as he shuffles closer to you. Bringing his free hand to your face, he pulls you into him and kisses you softly. With eyes clenched tightly together, you grip onto the collar of his shirt. He pulls his lips from yours, but keeps his forehead pressed against you. “Me too,” he whispers softly. 

Keeping your hand on his shirt, your eyes shoot open as he pulls away. “Really?” you say it with an enthusiasm that makes him chuckle a bit. 

“Yes, really,” he smiles, kissing you once more. “I’ve been single for a long time, Y/N, and I wanted to keep it that way to focus on work, but you-” he laughs barely, the air coming out of his nose as he shakes his head once. “I wasn’t expecting to meet someone that could change my mind so quickly, but I’ve been drawn to you since your first day on set. You are so beautiful inside and out. You are smart, and witty, and just incredible. You are brave and strong, and - and what you’ve just told me,” he shakes his head once more, almost in disbelief. 

You hold your breath as he speaks. “How you said you _lied _in order to get them back together despite everything they put you through. That’s not something I would have done, but… I commend that. I think it’s stupid to put yourself through that kind of pain, but I also think that it’s incredibly brave and - and it’s selfless.” 

A tear of relief finds a path down your cheek, and Jensen jumps to wipe it away. Your mind wanders off into a conversation from earlier, before Jared barged in. You know now that you can trust Jensen, and you don’t know exactly why or what it is, but you’re ready to tell him your secret. If Jared had known all of these years and never made it public, why would Jensen? 

What feels like a wire in your jaw tenses and loosens as you search for a good starting ground for the topic, all the while Jensen has his hands on your arms. Your eyes are focused on your hands lying in your lap, “thank you,” you say, bringing your eyes to his. 

His lips fold down at the corners as he nods before pulling his hands away. He rotates around to stand, “dinner?” he asks, looking down at you. 

Before your mind has a chance to catch up, you throw your hand onto his arm and tug, “wait,” you say as he falls into the couch. “Sorry,” you laugh. “I just - I wanted to ask you something.” 

He nods again, this time with a warm smile, “anything.” 

“Have you ever-” you fidget with the sleeves of your shirt, twirling the cotton around your thumbs, accidentally pulling one of the threads out. When your eyes meet back up with his they suck you in, create a distraction. You focus on the string, using it to remind yourself of earlier. “You said ‘that’s my girl’ earlier, and I - I would like to bring that up again, if we can.” 

His smile fades, the pink filling his cheeks once again. He nervously and embarrassingly chuckles again, head to the side as an awkward smile replaces the comfortable one, “aw, it’s just - just something that happens sometimes, I suppose.”

“I actually - I want to talk about my experience with that kind of thing,” you say. His expression thaws, changing back into the sympathy from before now that the spot light is off of him. “I struggle with… things.” 

Your mind is neither here nor there, you can’t seem to collect enough thoughts to from words and explain the things you are feeling. Where to start and where to end, you wonder. You continue to fidget with the shirt as he patiently waits for you to continue and it’s exactly the push that you need. 

“Jens, I have what some would call a problem,” you say confidently, looking back up at him. He only nods as he listens, “do you remember my second day on set, when Bell and Sam fought against the Djinn and Crowley came to save everyone?” 

He nods once more. You swallow your fears, pressing on. “Well, I - I didn’t pass out because of lack of food and water. I mean, that could have been a part of it, but I get really wrapped up in my characters. Maybe Jared already told you about this, I don’t know,” you say, rolling your eyes. You roll the sleeves up your arms and place your hands in his. 

“When I’m on set, I somehow diverge from myself. That day was especially difficult, and I don’t know the science behind it, but I was no longer Y/N for that take, or any others for that matter. I _become _Bell. I was and am her and that day I was fighting for my life. It sounds really silly coming out of my mouth and hearing it out loud, but it’s true. I don’t know why it happens, but it does. The hands that I chopped off of the actress, I - I thought they were real for that moment. I was living it, Jens. It’s like reality is on one hand, and fiction is on the other, and i’m constantly holding my own hands,” you blurt out, looking down to realize your hands are folded together, Jensen’s covering the two. 

“Y/N,” he soothes. “That’s a lot more common than you might think,” he says softly. “I think that every actor deals with some form of that. You witnessed it from me earlier, and I’d be lying if I said that I never had to take a break in between heart-wrenching scenes because of how they effected me. I experience it, I know Jared has at one point. It’s not commonly talked about because I think, like I imagine you are, most people are afraid of being judged for it. So we keep it to ourselves, we let it fester.” He pauses, looking to the side as he thinks. 

“You know what?” he says, lowering his head to catch your eyes. “I know someone who deals with it on the same level that you do.” 

Bringing your eyes up to his, you feel a wave of relief wash over you. While you are a bit angry that Jared has dealt with the thing he told you was an ‘issue’, the relief is too strong to care. 

“I can call her in the morning and set up a meeting if you’d like. For now, it’s late. Let’s try to get some sleep so we can be on time in the morning,” he smiles. “What do you say?” 

You nod as he stands, holding his hands out in front of him to help you to your feet. Hand in hand, you walk back to the one room you haven’t set foot inside yet. He flips the light on and turns to face you, bringing his hands to the sides of your face. 

Somehow, each of his kisses are the same and different. Each one carries a different emotion, a different story. Each kiss is either a question or an answer, and this one is both. The question of whether you can trust him is proposed and answered in just a quick moment as he lips are pressed tightly against yours. 

Never have you felt so connected to a person and so quickly. You were never able to have non-verbal communication in this form with Jared, let alone have a rational conversation with him where you were on the same page. That was one of the areas you struggled most with him; communication. 

With Jensen, though, you feel like you’ve been together for years. It’s a dangerous yet secure feeling that can’t really be explained. It’s like visiting a new beach, unsure of the patterns of the tide but familiar with the heat of the sun and prickling of the sand. It’s like falling for someone everyday at the same time of feeling like you’ve known them for your entire life. It’s getting to know the person you know. It’s home. 

And falling asleep in his arms is more than sleeping next to a person you care about. It’s being protected and cared for, knowing you feel the same way as the other person. No doubts, no insecurities, just comfort. 


	11. Chapter Eleven (end)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst for Dean X Bell(reader), fluffy goodness for Jensen X Reader, and a groveling!Jared,

_With the intention of suppressing the tears that climb up the back of your throat, your eyes seat on Dean’s neck, watching the lump move with his words but letting them bounce off of your ears and fall to the ground. Yet, as if they are knives, the words cut through your shield like it isn’t there at all, “please talk to me,” he mutters, shaking his head. _

_His hands rest between his knees as he sits leaning against the concrete wall in a dark alley. With merely a racking grumble from you, he stands to get closer, “Bell, come on. You know I’m not one to get on my knees and - and start begging, but damn it -” the words drain from him with no restrictions, bypassing all of his internal warnings and silencing every alarm on their way out - “you gotta let me in. You have to let me help you,” he weightily hums, slowly bringing a hand to your arm. _

_Rejecting him by way of turning around, the tears finally break through in silence, “no, Dean,” you croak, bowing your head. “I’m sorry, I… can’t.” _

_Gripping onto your arms, he twists you around to face him, bringing your attention to his drooping face. “Why?” His words are more strict now, but lacking the confidence he had before, like he’s fighting with himself behind the scenes. _

_“It’s - it’s too much,” you belt out, looking up at him with unblinking eyes.   
_

_His face cramps, “what?” The breath he lets out stokes the fire in his chest. Letting go of your arms he turns around, careful not to burn you with his words, “Crowley got to you, didn’t he? That son of a -” _

_“No! Dean,” you say, shaking your head, but replaying Crowley’s vicious threats in your mind. “I just don’t know how much longer I can keep up with this,” you stutter, eyes shifting down to the static, grey concrete, “the visions, the circus, Crowley, the Djinn…”   
_

_As he flips around, your eyes meet with his and the words roll off of your tongue without permission, “lying to you, keeping secrets.” As soon as it was said, you wanted to take it back. _

_You know how he hides behind impassivity, but the story is as old as time. Written all over his face is a blend of confusion and heartache that ferment inside of him. “Secrets?” he says, voice calmer than anything said prior. _

_“I - I,” you sputter out, not quite sure what to offer given that the words were never meant to surface - not yet. Filling with a roaring heat, despite the brisk wind that rolls through, your cheeks brighten and flush.   
_

_“Bell,” Dean urges. As you cringe away from the name, he takes small steps towards you. Head tilting to the side as his lips fold down, his eyes lose whatever spark they had left. With a single sentence, you had distinguished the fire that was smoldering in him, replacing it with an icy stupor. “Lying about what?”   
_

_You throw your night chilled hands onto your face in an attempt to abate the emotional fever that grows over your body. You’re unsure of how long they were there before he pulls your arms down to your sides. _

_Holding your wrists firmly, he almost forces you to keep eye contact with the way his cheeks and eyes swell, “what aren’t you telling me? Are you saying that - that this-” lifting a hand, his finger wags between the two of you. _

_With your free hand, you grip onto his and bring it to your chest, “no, listen,” you say, sighing through the words. Closing your eyes, you concede, “I’m just… not who you think I am.” _

_“What?” A bitterness flows through his words that don’t feel entirely placed on you, and you know as well as anyone that no matter what is done to him, Dean will always take partial, if not all, blame.   
_

_You shake your head, opening your eyes to face the blazing that returns to his, “and you’re not either. I will explain everything to you. Please - please, you have to trust that I did this, all of it, for the right reasons,” you gasp, clutching onto his shirt as if it’s the rope keeping you from falling down the face of a mountain. Relaxing into a deep breath, you release your grip, “please tell me you trust me.” _

_He only nods, keeping his frown as his eyes bounce on your features. _

_Regaining composure, you soften your voice. “None of this is real,” you say, lifting your hand to stroke the tear from his cheek. “What you saw - when the Djinn had you - it wasn’t a dream at all,” you say, shaking your head delicately._

_“My name is Y/N,” you say slowly, “I’m - I’m an actress, and -” you look at the lines on your hands, suddenly feeling silly about ever confusing the two in the first place. _

_Jensen had suggested that with the show’s ending, exposing the ‘truth’ to Dean and Sam would make for an interesting finale twist, as well as helping you to find some closure in what was once called an ‘issue’. _

_“I’m not the only one who knew,” you say, voice cracking. “Gabriel,” you say, letting out a small laugh. “Richard is his real name, and he’s a very smart man,” you say, clicking your tongue. “He knew how to create a world in which we wouldn’t know who we were, and had to fight monsters - said it would make for one hell of a show, and when I found out the truth - he decided it was time to give it up,” you sigh, shrugging lightly. “Game over. We can be happy like you saw in your dream. We can smile, and life and enjoy all the things we can’t in this world.” _

_“No,” he says, shaking his head. “No, this is just another dream isn’t it? I’m somewhere tied up, getting the life sucked out of me and I’m gonna die if I do’t wake up, right?” he shouts.   
_

_“No, no,” you say, resting a hand on his chest, and using the other to pull him closer, “listen, this is real,” you say, opening your body to point towards the glow of the lights. “Open your eyes, Jensen,” you whisper. “This is what is real,” you say, watching as his eyes go wide in understanding. _

The camera pans away from the two of you, and exposes the set and crew. You step towards the lights, focusing more on your steps than your surroundings. When it occurs to you that the director had called for the scene to end, you feel Jensen at your side. Letting the emotions from the scene out in one breath, you glance up at him, trying to remind yourself of the tips you’d received from his friend yesterday. 

Jensen must have taken notice of the way your eyes went wide and the soft gasp that punched it’s way out as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you into him; a gentle and subtle way of bringing you back to reality - where you intend on staying forever. 

The room erupts into applause and cheer, bringing your attention to the rest of the crew. Mark and Misha walk towards you, Jared and a few directors not far behind them and all wearing big smiles. 

A feeling of accomplishment and euphoria flows through you, brandishing a smile on your face as the group of people who had quickly become your family pulls you into a hug. Letting go, you accept the congratulations and pats on the back as they all filter away all while keeping your smile. Until you see Jared, his eyes planted on you. 

When he sees you looking at him, he uses his hands to signal that you step towards him. Hesitantly, you follow him to a somewhat secluded area of the set. 

“She said you talked to her,” he starts in a hush whisper, looking around for listeners. Stepping forward, he bows his head and keeps his voice quiet, “you told her you lied?” 

You scan his face for any sign of censure. Instead, his voice is chipper, almost delighted or thrilled that you had lied in his favor. You lower your head, focusing on your feet while collecting your thoughts. 

Looking back up at him, you shrug, “I’ll tell you what I told Jensen,” you sigh. Opening your mouth, your jaw dangles and you struggle with the words, “I - I,” shaking your head, you look back at your feet. 

“Thank you,” he says, cutting into the silence. He lays a hand on your arm, pulling your eyes up to his. A heat fills you, and you almost regret making the decision to call her. 

The way he speaks to you now makes it sound like he _expected _you to fix things. Taking a deep breath, you keep quiet, and hope for him to just leave things as is and walk away. But he steps closer, “look, Y/N,” he sighs. “I’m sorry. I was and have been extremely unfair to you,” he shakes his head. “I realize now that I don’t deserve this chance you’ve given me and I certainly never deserved you,” he says. 

Your eyes meet up with his as you let out a long breath. Unsure of what to say, your mouth gapes open, small and imperceptible sounds escaping in the absence of a well-formed sentence. 

By now, Jensen was approaching you slowly. Eyebrows folded down into a frown, he places a hand on your back. You let out another breath in relief. Jared shifts his eyes to Jensen, letting his face relax somberly as he holds a hand out to him, “Jay,” he says, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, man. I have been-” 

“Don’t apologize to me, man. Apologize to her,” Jensen says without relenting the anger in his face and keeping a hand on your back. 

“I - I have,” Jared says in a breath and looking over at you. “Y/N, I am incredibly sorry. I was acting irrationally and without thinking. Can I ask-” he pauses, taking a slow breath. “Can I ask why you lied to her?” 

Looking up at Jensen, you lean into him. “One of the most painful things I’ve ever been through was getting cheated on,” you say, focusing back on Jared and building confidence as you go, “I was really mad at her for a long time. But I realized that the only person I should have been angry with was you. Even though I really, really wanted her to hurt like I was hurting, it wouldn’t solve anything.” 

Nodding away, Jared attentively listens to you as you speak. Jensen’s hand has moved from your back to your hip. Wrapping your arm around his torso, you look into his sparkling eyes and smile before focusing back on Jared. “I’m not angry anymore. I’ve moved on,” you shrug. “And all I want from this is for you to leave me alone.” 

He nods again, looking between the two of you before walking away. Rotating around to face Jensen, you bring your other arm around and pull him into a hug.

“Let’s go home,” he says with a smile as you pull away. 

“Home?” you say, eyes lit with ardor and confusion. 

“Home,” he smiles. 


End file.
